A Beautiful Mess
by LexiLindale35
Summary: Bellamy never expected to become a father on the ground. But suddenly he has a son. A single father with no idea how to care for a child as tiny and fragile as his baby. It's not like it was on the ark, the ground is dangerous. Together Clarke helps Bellamy raise his son. Both of them realizing they're more than comfortable playing house together.
1. Chapter 1

Gina kept screaming. I held her hand, sweat covered her forehead. She squeezed with a might I didn't know she had in her little body. Abby sighed loudly from the end of the bed. We were all exhausted, we had been sitting in this room, in this very position for the last twelve hours just waiting. I knew my exhaustion was nothing compared to hers. She was the one trying to push a baby out of her body. I might not be in love with her, but I respected her more than anything else.

"Okay one more push sweetheart," Abby nodded to Gina, "I can see the head. I just need a big push and then you're all done."

Gina sighed, clearly she didn't want to do it anymore. But this baby was coming one way or another. She sat up, I held our hands up higher. I took in a deep breath and swallowed my fears. My child was here, they would enter this world at any moment. It was only a matter of minutes now. Nine months flew by when you weren't prepared to become a parent.

When she told me she was pregnant it took a good hour for the information to sink in. We were careful, but clearly not careful enough. I remember the room spinning, the fears setting in. I wasn't ready to be a father, hell I hadn't been ready to take on leader of the 100 when we were sent down to earth. Now I was responsible for a little life? One that needed more care down here than on the ark?

But the worst part of it all was that I knew I wasn't in love with her. I knew it the moment I picked her out of the bunch and we slept together. She was just a distraction, something to kill time with. No she wasn't the girl I wanted to spend my life with down here on the ground. But I had to find someone else to numb the pain because the girl I wanted left me at the gates of our camp a few months ago.

Sure she had come back, tattered and bruised, but she wasn't the same girl I knew. So I kept seeing Gina. I let myself believe that we could be happy together. Except I knew we never could be. Because she wasn't the girl who occupied my dreams.

My mom raised me to be a better man. Which meant that I wouldn't leave Gina. I wouldn't let my child grow up with only one parent. I would stand beside her, I would live with her while our baby grew up. We didn't have to be married, we didn't have to like each other. But we had to be parents. I knew how important it was for a child to have two loving parents. I wouldn't bring them into this world if I wasn't prepared to bare that responsibility.

So I sucked it up and tried as hard as I could to get over the girl I really did love. Or at least I told myself I was over her. I knew I would never get over her. Because I would never find someone else who understood my pain. Someone else who was there in the mountain and held my hand while we did what we had to do to save our people. A love like that was deep. A bond like that could never be broken.

Gina held my hand in a death grip, I didn't think she could squeeze any tighter. She was screaming and cursing as she pushed harder than before. Her forehead was strained, her teeth stuck out. My heart was pounding as Abby kept encouraging her. The worst was almost over. Our baby was about to enter this world. The room fell silent for a moment. It was like the world stood still as Abby held her arms out.

When Gina's cries stopped our baby's started.

"It's a boy," Abby laughed as she held him in her arms.

There were tears in her eyes as well as mine. She cut the chord and handed him to me. I smiled as he settled against my chest. He had a head full of hair already, dark as mine and it curled at the edges. I knew now why Gina always complained about heartburn. I smiled as he reached up and grabbed my finger. He cooed as he moved his body around, getting comfortable in this new world. He was so small, so fragile. I was terrified I would break him.

"He's beautiful," I breathed the words, afraid to let them touch him. I didn't want the world to break him, to hurt him the way it had hurt me.

I looked down at Gina when she didn't respond. Her eyes were open, but she wasn't moving. Her chest was still and I knew something was wrong. My heart stopped as Abby realized the same thing I did. She pushed past me, moving fast.

"Something's wrong."

I held onto my son as they pushed me out of the room. My heart was pounding. I was caught between happiness and panic. My child was healthy and finally here. But his mother was fading. I didn't know how to feel, what to focus on. Everything was happening so fast I couldn't process all the emotions. I heard Abby curse on the other side of the curtain.

I closed my eyes, tears filling them. I let a tear fall. I knew the odds were against her.

"Ah he's here," Clarke's voice pulled me from the moment. She smiled at me as I opened my eyes and looked at her. She looked so different from the broken girl who returned to us three months ago. She looked happier, healthier.

My heart skipped a beat when she looked at the baby in my arms, "he just made his grand entrance, you missed it."

"What's his name?" she asked reaching for his little hand. I couldn't find the words as I watched him take her finger in between his tiny ones. This moment should've been between his mother and him. Gina shouldn't be fighting for her life because she had given birth to this beautiful baby.

We didn't talk about names. I knew that this wasn't a decision I was supposed to make on my own. But as I looked down at him I thought about all the stories I used to tell Octavia. I thought of all the heroes and gods that I had fallen in love with as a child. I wanted him to feel proud of his name, to know that he was the warrior of my world.

"Aries," I bounced him gently in my arms, "Aries Blake."

"It's nice to meet you," she whispered as she shook his tiny hand. I smiled, the baby cooed again as she ran her finger down his cheek, "my god he looks just like you Bell."

I laughed, "yeah. Crazy huh? He's so tiny."

Clarke looked up at me through her eye lashes. She smiled, ready to say something when the curtain pushed aside hard. Abby looked at me, ruining the moment I was sharing with her daughter. My heart stopped. I knew. She didn't have to say a word, or make a move. I knew she was gone.

Slowly she shook her head, pressing her hand against my shoulder, "I'm sorry Bellamy. She just wasn't strong enough."

Abby looked to Clarke and I knew they would arrange to move the body. Gina didn't have any family, there was no one else to notify. I didn't feel relief, which made me feel better. I didn't want to feel good about her death. I was actually terrified because now I was all alone. I had to figure out how to parent without the one person who constantly told me everything would be okay. I swallowed the tears that choked me. Clarke still stood there, watching me process yet another death in our lives.

I looked down at my son and let out a slow breath, "looks like it's just you and me buddy."

Her hand fell on my arm, she squeezed it for support. I hadn't been ready to become a parent. We both knew that, I told her one night when Jasper gave me too much moonshine. She promised me she would help with the baby check ups. Hell she told me she would be there for the delivery. But something had changed between us that night.

She kept her distance whenever Gina was around.

I let out a slow breath as her blue eyes found mine, "it'll be okay Bellamy."

I nodded, the weight in my arms told me I had no other choice. This was my son, he was my new responsibility.

—

Aries wouldn't stop crying. I hadn't gotten a full night's sleep since he was born. I thought it would be easy, he slept the entire walk to the cabin. He didn't seem like he needed much. Abby told me how to feed him, Clarke helped me with the formula. She stayed later than her mother, helping me change him the first time. She helped me wash him and then when she was about to fall asleep on her feet I sent her home.

It was surreal that I had brought him home to my cabin without Gina. Abby and Jackson buried her the next day. It was a bittersweet week, celebrating a birth and a death all at once. The circle of life I guess. I missed her. I missed her soft voice telling me that we could do this. I missed her laughing at my stupid jokes. I wanted to share this with someone else.

No matter how much I missed her, I couldn't get past the fact that life had suddenly changed so drastically. It didn't feel real, me being a father. A single father.

A week had passed since he was a born. One week and I hadn't gotten any sleep. I bounced him in my arms, begging him to sleep. He was so fussy all day and all night. I had changed him, I fed him, and all I did was hold him. Nothing worked. No matter what I did he cried. I was on the verge of crying myself.

I was supposed to go back on the watch rotation tomorrow. Which meant I needed sleep now or I'd fall asleep on the wall.

I couldn't take the inside of my cabin anymore. I tucked him under my jacket and carried him across camp. It was late, or early if you were considering the time. But I knew there was one person I could ask for help. I hated asking for help, but I was done trying this on my own. I was at the end of my rope.

I knocked on the door once. The candle in her window was out, which meant she was asleep. But I didn't have to knock again. I heard her curse a she ran into something on the other side of the wood. I winced as Aries continued to cry loudly.

She pulled open the door, her eyes filled with sleep. Her hair was a mess, it fell down to her shoulders. She licked her lips as she took me in. Even if she had just woken up she was still beautiful, "Bellamy?"

I sighed, my voice soft, "he won't stop crying. I thought I could do this, but clearly I can't. He just keeps crying no matter how much I feed him or change him. All I do is hold him, but it's not enough," I was about to break down, "I have to go back to work tomorrow. I haven't slept since he was born."

She stepped aside and let me into her warm cabin. She sighed and reached for my son. I saw the smile on her face as she tried not to laugh at my panicked state, "Aries are you giving your dad a hard time? Come to Auntie Clarke."

My heart stopped as she called herself that. She pulled him out of my arms as I closed the door behind me. I was losing it, I was tired and letting my thoughts run away from me. Clarke loved my son because everyone in camp loved him. Not because she loved me. I sighed, I needed to get some sleep. Soon these thoughts would be out in the open and I'd get myself into trouble.

I sat down on the edge of her bed, "Clarke he doesn't like me. All he does is cry. Even when he finally sleeps, he cries. I don't think he wants me, he wants his mother."

My head fell forward as I rested my knees on my elbows. I rubbed my eyes with the heels of my hands. When I closed them it took all the effort I had left in my body to open them back up. I just wanted more than a few minutes of sleep. I wanted to lay down and hibernate until this baby was at least a year old. Then maybe he would stop crying.

Clarke laughed, "welcome to being a parent. I think my mom said I cried for the first three months straight. She thought I hated her too."

"Octavia didn't even cry this much," I muttered as I kept my eyes closed. Compared to my son Octavia had been an angel. I guess I should thank her for that. I wasn't prepared for a fussy baby. I thought I would get lucky again.

My eyes were still closed as the room settled around me. Something seemed off and then I realized what it was. I looked up quickly, Clarke stood there holding Aries still. He had stopped crying, the room was silent. My eyes went wide as I took in her form. She had him cradled in her arms, his face turned towards her chest. His little body fit perfectly against her.

If I wasn't so tired I would've been jealous of how close he had gotten to her.

"How — how did you do that?"

She raised an eyebrow at me and shrugged, "baby's can sense anxiety and fear. He feels your anxiety, your fears when you hold him. It affects him, so he cries and you cry. It's a cycle that needs to be broken."

I sat there looking up at her and I realized how different she was. My co-leader, the girl I fought beside at the mountain and on the ground was gone. She melted away as she held my child in her arms and told me that I was worrying too much about him. She looked like a mother, someone who was more than at ease with a child in her arms.

I swallowed the lump in my throat, "aren't you scared? I mean. I'm all alone, Clarke. He's my responsibility and he's so tiny. He's so fragile. I'm terrified I'll screw him up before he even has a chance."

She let out a slow breath as she laid him down on her bed beside me. She put the pillow on the open side so he wouldn't roll. Then she sat down on her chair and took my hands in hers. She looked at me, those blue eyes haunted my dreams while she was gone. It was like they could see right through me.

"Sure I'm scared. It's only natural for you to be scared, Bell. You have a child, you have to care for a life other than your own. I know you think you're doing it all wrong, but that baby has more love than any two parents can give him. I know you," she smiled as she squeezed my hands gently, "I know how much you love. So you've got to fake it until you make it. Make yourself believe you've got this and one day you'll laugh at how scared you were."

She flashed me a rare smile. Before the mountain they were always there, she was so happy and full of light. Now she would laugh but there was never any humor in her eyes. She would smile, but it didn't light her up. Sitting there with her I realized this was what she needed. She needed something real, something more than our lives to think about.

"You guys can stay here," she put her hand on my shoulder, "you look like hell."

I forced a laugh, "thanks Clarke. I owe you one."

She smiled as I laid down beside my child. I moved him into the middle, taking away the pillow as she laid down on the other side, "you owe me like five drinks at this point, Blake. I've been keeping track."

I put my hand on his stomach, watching it rise and fall as he slept soundly. I looked at Clarke, who was still staring at me. Somehow she had saved me, more than she'd ever realize. Because I was so lost before I knocked on her door. I took in a deep breath, Aries sneezing between us. I laughed as I pulled the furs up over all three of us.

"If you can help me put Aries to sleep like this on my own, I'll buy you the whole damn bar," I muttered into the pillow, no strength left in me to life my face off of it and talk directly to her.

She laughed, it vibrated against the bed and hit me in the back. I liked making her laugh. I liked making her smile, knowing that for a moment she forgot about the pain that seemed to follow her. I closed my eyes, sleep was waiting. I was more than ready to pass out and wake up when the sun was high in the sky tomorrow afternoon.

"Go to sleep Bell. I've got you," her words were soft, I could've sworn I felt her kiss my cheek. But I was half asleep by the time I felt her hand on my arm, I wasn't sure what was real and what was my dreams.

I settled into her bed, relaxing for the first time since I brought Aries home. Maybe she was right, maybe I could do this. I sighed and for the first time in seven long days I finally fell asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

I shouldn't be surprised at the obstacles life throws at me anymore. The ground was a mystery we still hadn't completely solved. I was finding out that parenthood was the same thing. Between feeding Aries and then changing him right afterwards, learning how to change him before he decided to pee on me, and falling asleep still holding him in my arms, I was wearing out the title of new father.

But I wouldn't trade the last few weeks for anything. Because I fell in love with my little boy the moment he was born. But the bond we had now after learning how to live with each other, that was one I knew would never break.

Clarke and I fell into a routine after that first night together. Somehow we agreed without saying the words out loud that we were in this together. Or at least that's how I saw it. She helped me stress less which meant Aries didn't cry as much. She saved my life and my sanity all within the first month of his life.

Time seemed to move forward. One month passed and then two. Little Aries grew fast. He was three months old and he had a head full of brown shaggy curls like mine. His chubby little legs were wiggling at everything, his belly was always full. He was big for a three month old. At least that's what Clarke said when she checked him out. He got chubbier, his face got fuller.

He started to look even more like me than I realized was possible.

All the girls at camp fussed over him. His big brown eyes drew them in. His giggle made them stay. He was a hit wherever I took him. He loved it too, he would giggle whenever someone touched him, or talked to him. He seemed to enjoy being the center of attention whenever he was around people. I didn't mind, I loved showing him off. So did Clarke.

Octavia loved carrying him around too. She'd watch him while I took my shift at the wall or helped with hunting duties. If she was busy Clarke always stepped up. Clarke was the co-parent I never knew I would want. I mean I knew I needed someone to help me with him while he was little, but she was there for all the moments I didn't know would matter. Like when he sat up for the first time. Or when he laughed and then sneezed scaring himself. When he got the hiccups and we couldn't stop laughing.

She shared his moments with me. Clarke promised me I wouldn't have to do it alone. She was a woman of her word, something I always respected about her.

That's how I ended up at her cabin most nights. She had the rocking chair. When I finally finished building his crib, I put it at her place. We spent most of our time there anyways. She would get dinner before I was off shift and then we would eat together with Aries between us. Now that he'd stopped crying incessantly he slept a lot.

Clarke checked him out too. When she took him to the medical bay she would give him a check up. Not a thorough one like when he turned three months old. Just little checks to make sure he wasn't getting sick or anything like that. She played doctor with him and I loved that she was so concerned about him as I was.

The other night I woke up and she was just staring at him. She had her hand pressed against his little body, checking to make sure he was still breathing. It was so quiet I realized even I wasn't sure. She smiled when she noticed me awake, her blue eyes flashing with something I wasn't sure she was ready for just yet.

"Sorry I didn't mean to wake you," she whispered as she pulled the covers over him, "I just rolled and he cried. I thought he was awake."

I yawned and pulled him closer to me, "you didn't wake me."

I shook my head at the memory. I fell back asleep dreaming of her and me in that bed together, Aries in his crib fast asleep. I woke up more than embarrassed as I ran off trying to collect myself before she realized what was happening. Thankfully she had been so caught up in changing Aries she didn't notice me leave and come back with cold water splashed on my face.

"Bellamy!" Clarke looked thrilled to see me as I walked into what was slowly becoming our cabin, "you missed it. Aries just rolled over."

"What?" I smiled at my son in her arms. I rubbed his little head, messing up his curls before I kissed his cheek, "do it again buddy."

He giggled at me, his toothless gums sticking out over his lips. I was in love with this little boy. No matter how scared I had been I got over those fears fast. Because he was the brightest spot in my world. Having him in my life made everything make sense. I could see a future without anger and despair waiting for me.

"I swear he just rolled over and then looked at me waiting for approval. He likes attention," Clarke set him down on the ground, "just like his dad."

I rolled my eyes, "funny princess," she stuck her tongue out at my nickname, "so what's for dinner tonight? I'm starving."

She sighed, "Octavia's night. Some grounder recipe she wouldn't describe. It's pretty good. How was your shift?"

I shrugged as she sat on her knees behind me and rubbed my shoulders. It was like we were a married couple, I came home to a hot meal and a baby. The only thing that was missing between us was her knowing exactly how I felt. I swallowed those thoughts as I sighed.

"Okay. The grounders are quiet. The world is quiet cause it's cold. We watch the wall and stare at the snow. How's the medical bay?"

"Colds. Aches and pains. Nothing I can't handle," she smiled at me, "I have off tomorrow. You do too right?"

I scratched my head, "uh yeah. Murphy needed me to switch. So I plan on sleeping well into the afternoon."

"We should take him to my mom's cabin. Expose him to some more people. He needs to get out of this cabin and our jobs," she played with his feet as he giggled. I couldn't stop watching them together. She loved that little boy like he was her own. It hurt my heart to know he wasn't. That he would never know his real mom because she died before she got a chance to meet him.

"Okay," I sighed as I thought about asking her mom to babysit. I wanted to take Clarke out. I wanted to thank her for helping me these last few months. But I didn't know how to ask her out. I didn't know how to tell her in more words than I already had how I felt. Now that I had a baby I knew there was no possibility of us.

But we were friends. I wanted to thank her for being my friend even after I was so mean to her when she came back to us. I knew I was so harsh on her because of my crush. Because I still hadn't gotten over my feelings for her even after she left me standing there to pick up my own pieces. But that didn't make it right.

Clarke yawned as she stretched her arms above her head, "I'm beat. Your food's by the fire. I'm going to put him down and go to bed myself," she paused as I stood up, "you're going to stay right?"

I smiled at her, "we always stay, Clarke."

"I know. I just. I like you two here. I don't like sleeping alone anymore," her voice was small as she laid the sleeping baby in her bed. I smiled as I looked away, Clarke crawling in beside him as she pulled the blanket up. My heart hurt because this was a scene I never wanted to end.

No matter how many time I saw her fall asleep with my son I was still struck by the scene. Because I had been lying to myself. I'd never get over my crush. It wasn't possible to get over a woman as amazing as her.

—

Clarke carried Aries as we walked through camp. We were stopped over and over again as they all greeted him. He hasn't been out of the cabin in a while since it was still cold out. Aries giggled as they touched his head and his feet. He clung to Clarke tightly. He might like the attention but he wanted to stay in the arms of someone he was familiar with.

I smiled at the way they took to each other. I don't think we would've made it this long without her.

"You two are just adorable," Harper smiled at me as she tousled his hair. He hadn't had it cut since he was born. I think the time was coming for a trim, "you make a cute little family."

I blushed as Clarke thanked her, "so everyone thinks we make a cute family huh?"

I shrugged, "I guess so."

"That's because our son is just so adorable," he kissed his chubby cheeks as he reached for her hair. I smiled as they walked ahead of me. God I wanted it to be true. I wanted it to be me and her and Aries. I didn't want to be afraid of my feelings. But I was. I was terrified of hurting my heart as well as my sons.

Being a parent was harder than I thought.

"Aries!" Abby and Kane came out of the cabin as we got closer. Abby pulled the baby into her arms and kissed him. He loved Abby as much as Clarke.

"Hey mom," Clarke smiled as she kissed her cheek, "Bellamy and I both have off today. So we thought we'd bring the little man to visit."

Kane shook my hand, "a welcomed surprised."

"How's my favorite little man?" Abby fussed over the boy as we walked into their large cabin. It was bigger than the rest, but that's okay. Kane worked extra hard to make sure it was the right size for the meetings that were held here.

Aries cooed as Abby bounced him on her hip. I imagined her caring for Clarke. That same big smile on her face as she looked at her tiny beautiful face. Clarke was the lucky one, she had been raised with love and purpose. I had love. But I grew up too fast. Too many responsibilities weighted my shoulders at an early age.

Kane offered me a drink as we sat down at the table, "thanks," my voice hit a lower octave as I grabbed the tin can.

"So Bellamy," his eyes went from me to Clarke and then back again, "how's everything going?"

I knew what he really meant. But I chose to pretend like I didn't, "good. It's getting easier with Aries. He sleeps now which is a godsend. Those first few weeks were rough."

Kane laughed, "wait until he's two. Or worse wait until he's sixteen and bringing girls home."

"Oh god," I laughed as I took another drink, "please don't give me nightmares. I don't want him to get bigger yet. Or ever if you keep telling me horror stories."

Kane laughed with me as the women caught each other up. Abby was busy being the chancellor and head doctor so Clarke rarely got to see her mother. Of course Clarke helped at the medical bay but Abby was in meetings a lot more these days. We were trying as hard as we could to keep the peace between clans.

"So you two?" Kane kept waiting for me to say something.

I rubbed my eyes and sighed loudly. I shrugged my shoulders but that wasn't enough. After a moment I looked at Clarke. She wasn't listening to us. She was off in her own world with my son and her mother.

"She's helping me get a hang of things," I cleared my throat as I sat back in the chair.

He nodded, a smile at the corner of his lips, "okay. If that's all. I just," my eyes met his as he chose his words carefully, "I remember how you fell apart when she left. I know how you feel."

I felt my cheeks fill with blush. My dark skin hid it away from everyone but Kane, "I know. Which is why I'm not telling her. I've got my friend back. I won't risk losing that. Not when I need help with an infant I wasn't prepared to have."

Kane clicked his tongue, "sometimes the best love stems from that of friendship."

He looked over at Abby and I knew he was thinking about them. If only it were that easy. I knew the bond Clarke and I had was deep. But I wasn't sure if her feelings ran as deep as mine. I never let myself get attached. But I remembered those months without her.

I had been a zombie. I walked around in a haze. I got drunk off moonshine to numb the loss of her. Because she was my other half, my best friend. Working so close together made it hard to remember what it was like to think on my own.

"But if she doesn't feel the same," I stopped as I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"Who's hungry? Mom said she made your favorite," Clarke squeezed my shoulder gently as she let go, "also your son needs changed. He stinks."

Kane smiled, our conversation over. He nodded his head, I knew he was telling me to take my time. Kane might have been my enemy once, but now that we were friends we understood each other. I was terrified of ruining something I already had by wanting something more. He knew that wanting something more meant that what we had would never be enough.

That's how him and Abby finally found each other.

I stood up and grabbed her sides making her squeal, "I see you get to have all the fun with the baby and I have to change him. Not fair."

She tapped my cheek, "sorry Bell. He's peed on me one too many times today."

Kane laughed as Abby carried him into the room, "don't worry guys. I changed him. Yes I did," she kissed his cheek, "but I do think he's hungry. Did you bring a bottle?"

"I did," Clarke pulled one out of her bag as Kane set the table for lunch.

"You're a life saver," I said kissing her cheek. She smiled as Aries settled in her arms and she fed him. I shook off my jacket, putting it on the back of my chair before sitting down.

The food was still hot as Abby brought it to the table. My stomach growled as she gave us all a helping. I wasn't used to a hot lunch. On the wall we ate whatever we could get our hands on while we kept watch. Clarke grabbed my hand before we could eat. My heart stopped as I felt her soft skin under mine. I was surprised, until Abby grabbed my other one and then they closed their eyes.

"We thank you for this food. For the peace and safety you've provided us. Amen."

"Amen." We all echoed after Kane finished.

While we ate our food we traded stories. Clarke told her mom about her patients and the trip she took to get supplies from the grounders. I laughed along with everyone else when she told us how she fell face first into the mud when she got distracted by the topless girls.

Aries fell asleep in my arms. He had gotten fussy after Clarke fed him. I pulled him in and held him close, his cried stopped and he fell asleep. I loved how comforted he was by me. I loved being his father and that he was mine.

Clarke smiled as she ran a finger down his tiny cheek, "we should get him home."

My heart skipped a beat at the word home. I smiled as her mom sighed, disappointed we were leaving so soon. It was getting dark out.

"Thank you for dinner Abby. It was delicious," I kept my voice down. I didn't want to wake him. Clarke wrapped my jacket around him like a blanket and then hugged her mom tightly.

"I'm so glad you guys spent your day off with us. I've missed this," she sighed and pushed Clarke's hair off her shoulder, "I've missed you."

She smiled at her mom, "I missed you too mom."

Abby winked at me as she hugged me around Aries, giving him one last kiss, "you two behave. Thanks Bellamy. For bringing her home."

She always thanked me. I had nothing to do with her coming home. But I knew in a way my forgiving her so easily meant that she found her spot in camp once more. I smiled at Abby and kissed her cheek before Clarke opened the door and I stepped out into the evening air.

"When did he get so heavy?" I asked as we walked slowly together.

She laughed, "he is getting so meat on him. He's such a cute chubby baby. I love it."

We were quiet as we passed the center of our camp. No one else was out at this time. It was dead quiet, only the sound of our boots crunching the leaves could be heard. I sighed, slightly cold but I would survive. I wanted Aries to keep warm. He was all that mattered to me now.

"He loves you, you know," my voice was small as the air filled the space in front of my mouth. I wanted her to know that I did too. Not because she was helping me or because she loved my son.

But because I knew the girl she was before and after the mountain. I loved her despite all her flaws and pain.

Clarke laughed, "yeah. I know. He's the only person in this camp who looks at me and doesn't know the blood on my hands. He looks at me like people used to on the ark."

"Our hands Clarke. You didn't survive that mountain alone."

She nodded, "I hate that even more. That your hands are tainted like mine. I hate knowing you made a choice that big with me. It doesn't ease my pain. It makes it worse."

She unlocked her cabin and opened the door for me. I laid Aries down in his crib and turned to look at her. I waited, watching her pull her jacket off and hang it up. Then I sighed and shook my head. I wouldn't let her take the responsibility for what happened. We both pulled that lever, we both had people we were protecting inside that mountain.

We both had blood on our hands.

"It was my choice. Octavia, you. The 48. All of you meant too much to me to lose," I reached forward and held her face in my hands. I wouldn't let her turn away from me, "Clarke you have to forgive yourself. Life is too short to live with a hatred that big."

She nodded, "I know. It's easier to try and remember who I was, who I wanted to be, when I'm here with you and Aries. Thank you. For letting playing along with me."

I laughed and kissed her forehead as she hugged me tightly, "trust me princess you can play aunt Clarke for as long as you want. I need all the help I can get."

Clarke buried her face in my shirt and I felt like she had finally opened up since she had gotten back. I knew she needed time, we all needed time to heal from what happened on the mountain. But now that we were together, now that our camp was safe and we had a future ahead of us, maybe we could move on.

I knew after losing her if it came down to it I would choose her. I would always choose her and Aries. And maybe, just maybe I would get lucky one more time and she would choose me too.


	3. Chapter 3

For some odd reason I was scheduled to watch the wall in the afternoon. Clarke wasn't scheduled at all at the medical bay so we had been hanging around the cabin with Aries. I walked out of the little back room and found Clarke sitting at the table. Aries was on the table top and she was playing peek a boo with him. I laughed, her little giggle following his as he laughed at her uncovering her eyes.

She held his little hands in her and pulled them away fast. He looked games like this. I think he secretly loved being here with Clarke. Sure he loved me, I was his father. It seemed like there was no other choice in that matter. But he was as attached to Clarke as he was me. He even fussed for Octavia so much sometimes that Clarke needed to settle him. It was strange how at ease we were together with this baby.

It was almost as if we had him together. Almost.

There were moments like this when I missed Gina. The pain hit me out of nowhere. My son would never know his mother. He lost that chance before he even had it. He would grow up always wondering about his second parent the way I had. At least she didn't choose to leave him. I know if she had been healthier she would've done everything she could've to stay here with us. She loved that baby from the moment she found out about him.

I felt guilty for letting Clarke become so important to him. It was like I took her away from him. But I knew he needed two parents. He was a Blake after all. Which meant as he got older he would get himself into a lot of trouble.

"I think it's finally time," I whispered as Clarke stopped playing peek a boo and pulled the baby in her arms. She stood up slowly and looked at me worried, her eye brows raised as Aries grabbed her hair. He started pulling on hair a few days ago. Which was hell on all of us. He found it extremely funny.

"For what?" she asked slowly as he pulled as hard as he could on the little braid she had off to the side of her face.

I sighed and tapped his nose, trying to get his tiny hand to release her, "to give the little man a haircut. What do you think?"

She laughed loudly as he let go of her own hair, "I've been thinking that ever since we went to my mom's cabin last month. It's getting in his eyes now."

Clarke pulled the scissors out of the drawer and I sat down on the chair she had just been sitting in. I took in a breath as Aries turned around to face me. I smiled at him, his chubby fingers grabbing at my face.

"Hey buddy," I kissed his cheek as he smacked my cheek lightly. He was so curious these days. I wanted to teach him everything and nothing. I wanted to keep him young and in love with the world.

I didn't want him to know the pain of living here in the ground.

Clarke started cutting his hair as he focused on me. I let out a slow breath, bracing myself for him to start crying. Except he didn't. The first curl fell down onto the floor and he didn't bat an eyelash. He didn't care as she ran her fingers through his hair and cut off more. Aries trusted Clarke, which meant he was okay with her cutting his hair.

Me on the other hand, tears gathered in my eyes as I watched his long hair fall away. I didn't realize watching his little baby curls fall off would be so emotional. But it was. Clarke laughed as she took her time making it even, "oh don't be such a baby, Bell. It's just hair."

I looked at her. I tried to glare but it was weak, "I know. But he's never had his haircut. Another first."

She shook her head, "yeah. He tried to crawl today. I was too far away from him and he got up on his knees. He fell back down pretty fast."

"I hate missing these moments," he babbled in his little noises as he smiled up at Clarke. I brushed the hair off his shoulders.

Clarke finished cutting his hair. It still curled but they were shorter now, closer to his head. He looked more like a little man now than he did a baby. I ran my hand over it and then hugged him close, "now it's daddy's turn."

"What?" I barely got to protest as she stared cutting my hair. It was long, longer than normal. I sighed, defeated as Aries giggled loudly in my arms. I sighed again, his giggle loud and forceful as he kicked in my arms.

Clarke's fingers tickled against my skull. I closed my eyes, wishing she was running her hands through my hair for a different reason. I shivered, Aries smacking my cheek and pulling me back into the room and out of my fantasy.

"He's only five months old but he looks at you like you're the sun in the sky," Clarke's voice was soft.

Aries hugged me, another thing he was learning. He wrapped his little arms around me and then pressed his face into my chest. I kissed his head, my heart stoping. This moment was perfect in every way possible.

"That's how it's supposed to be," she whispered when I didn't say anything, "all children should believe their father is invincible. Trust me that little boy will always love you."

I smiled at her as she finished my hair and then tapped my shoulder. I looked into my mirror and swing my hair around. It didn't look much different. I turned to face Clarke, to thank her for more than our haircuts. I was surprised to find her standing closer to me than she had been.

Her height brought her face level with my chest. Her cheeks were red as she stood there not running into me. I let out a slow breath as I put my hands on either side of her face. I smiled, her breath catching.

"Bellamy," she said my name so quietly, I wasn't sure if it happened. I closed my eyes, leaning in to close the distance between us.

Aries let out a cry just before I could kiss her. I pulled away, she jumped to scoop him into her arms. My head fell forward as my body realized I had lost my chance. My chance to tell her how I felt without having to say the words out loud.

"I should get ready for my shift," I said to break the awkward silence that had settled around us. Clarke was bouncing Aries who stopped crying the moment he got attention. She nodded, facing away from me.

I couldn't help but wonder if this would change things between us now. I walked back to my room and sat down, sighing loudly. How was I supposed to tell her how I felt when I couldn't stand the thought of losing her a second time?

Still I had gotten so close to kissing her. So close to doing what I always imagined doing to bring her home. I wanted to hold her close and kiss her senseless. I wanted to mark her so she would always come back to me.

Now I was fumbling around trying to talk myself out of it.

I got dressed before she could come looking for me. I heard Aries cooing, he giggled at something Clarke did. There was a knock on the door. I listened as Jasper told Clarke her mom needed help in medical.

"Okay. I'll be right there," she turned around as I came into the room, "apparently someone is hurt. Do you want me to take him?"

I shook my head, "I've got him. You should focus on whoever it is. I'll stop by later."

She nodded, kissing Aries cheek before I put him in the sling, "come by around lunchtime. I'll have food waiting for my boys."

I smiled at her words. Despite the awkward moment we just had we were still friends. Clarke was better at pushing those things aside than I was. She flashed me a smile and then ran out fast. I sighed as Aries grabbed the string hanging down in my jacket, "looks like it's just you and me once again buddy."

"Ah!" He made the noise and kicked his feet out. I laughed, kissing his chubby cheek. I might not be able to get a handle on my love life, but I had gotten one thing right. This little boy could always make me smile.

The sun was warm as I walked towards the wall. Miller slapped my shoulder, "hey little Blake's here today! Teaching him early?"

I laughed, "something like that. Clarke got called in and it sounded bad. So I figured the wall was better than distracting her from a surgery."

"Probably. I think Harper got cut during training. Monroe is sick. It's backed up. Nothing too extreme. But I'm glad little Blake is here," Miller fussed with the baby's hair, "he's cuter than big Blake here."

I shook my head, "thanks Miller. I'll remember that."

"You know what I mean," Miller smiled as he tapped my shoulder, "so you and Griffin? What's up with you two?"

"Nothing. She's helping me with the baby."

"Right. For five months now? You two look awfully cute playing house," I stuck my tongue out at his as he avoided my hit to his ribs. If I didn't have Aries I would've tackled him.

"You're lucky I've got little Blake," Miller was laughing as we took our posts, "or I would tackle you right now."

The first half of my shift seemed to fly by. The sun got higher, Aries fell asleep as I walked back and forth between posts. I liked having him with me. He kept me grounded here in the moment. His little breaths reminding me how beautiful life could be.

"Hey Bell," Raven walked towards me slowly. She smiled as she hit my shoulder, "let me see him. I haven't seen him in months."

I moved the sling, "he's sleeping," I reminded her as she looked at his tiny face.

"He's adorable," she smiled as he settled back in and my eyes went towards the medical bay, "Clarke tells me you two are spending a lot of time together."

Why was everyone suddenly obsessed with how much time I spent with Clarke? I sighed as I shrugged, trying to play it off, "yeah. Aries took to her pretty fast."

I couldn't lie to Raven. She was there when the gates closed and I walked in alone. She was there when I got too drunk and told the truth for the first time since we got here. She knew everything. I trusted her, she didn't share my secrets.

She was already trying to hide so many of her own.

Raven slapped my shoulder bringing me out of my memories, "look you've got to just do it. Go and tell her how you feel man. We're all tired of watching you pine after her."

I sighed, "it's not that easy. And with Aries it make things more complicated. I have to look out for both of us now, not just me."

She laughed, "Clarke loves that little boy more than the rest of us. Trust me this is supposed to happen."

Aries grabbed Ravens hair, his favorite thing to do right now. He pulled hard and she winced. I took his hand, "sorry. He likes hair."

She laughed, "yeah Clarke told me."

I smiled. Clarke knew him as well as I did. Maybe Raven was right. Maybe this was supposed to happen, "can you watch him for a second?"

Her smile was huge, "of course."

I handed her my son and then walked towards the medical bay. Hopefully there was no one else there. My heart was pounding as I pushed the flaps back and prepared myself to tell her everything. I stopped when I heard her giggling.

A boy I couldn't remember sat on the bed. He smiled up at Clarke and she smiled back. He was flirting, his hands close to her face. Then ever so slowly she leaned down closer and he kissed her.

The world stopped. Time seemed to stop. My blood froze my body hurt. I knew this was going to blow up in my face. I turned back around before she knew I was there. I walked out faster than I had come in and went back to raven. I took Aries.

My hands were shaking and I decided to end my shift. I needed to get away from the wall, from the pain that suddenly found its way into my chest. This was different from when she left. The pain was guilt and it didn't form a ball in my chest. This pain, it was hurt and knotted itself into my heart.

I pushed down the tears and held onto Aries as if he was my lifeline.

"What happened?" She asked as I came to a stop facing away from her. I didn't want her to see my tears.

"Nothing," I sighed, "she was kissing someone else."

Just as I said the words Clarke came out of the bay and looked for me. I saw her eyes find mine but I didn't wait for her. I walked back to my cabin holding my son and promising him I would do whatever I had to do to protect him from ever feeling a heartbreak like mine.


	4. Chapter 4

I shot the chancellor without a second thought in order to catch a ride to earth to watch over my sister. I fought three hundred grounders with my bare hands while the door to the drop ship closed behind me. I stood and watched as one of my friends was sacrificed to avenge a debt we didn't owe. I was sent to the mountain as a spy, killing innocent women and children. But none of that weight, none of those moments came close to the pain that hit me when I saw Clarke with someone else.

It felt like a knife had been shoved in my heart. Like someone had ripped it apart, leaving it hanging by enough thread for it to continue beating and keep me alive. I didn't realize how deep I had gotten into the world of Clarke Griffin until that moment, when I walked away from Raven. It was like I had entered a new world.

One I didn't recognize.

I hated Clarke the moment she stood up and told me not to open that door. I hated the way she took charge and thought she was the leader of the hundred. But then, I realized being a leader wasn't all it was cracked up to be. I needed help if I wanted to lead, so I leaned on her. I blamed her for the things that went wrong. Again, things weren't always in our control. We did the best we could.

Out of my hatred came respect. Then slowly, as we spent more time on the ground came friendship. You couldn't lead people without leading each other. Without needing each other and believing in the other. When she said she couldn't lose me too, I knew we were both too important to the group. I never realized how I would echo her words while walking into the gates without her.

I ran my fingers through Aries hair, his little smile easing the ache inside my chest. Maybe this was right, Aries and I together and no one else to hurt us. Maybe I should focus on my son instead of tangling our lives up with someone who had already walked away once. Maybe I needed to find the Bellamy I had been in that drop ship, the one who didn't tolerate feelings and emotions.

Then again I had fought hard to become the man sitting there. I fought tooth and nail to ensure my people safety and a home among the grounders. If I went back to the boy I was, then what was it all for? Changing meant growing, I wanted to grow up. I had grown up, I had become a leader and a father all in the same year. It was easier being the bold faced kid who talked more than he fought. Now that I had put my money where my mouth was, I realized life was harder on the front lines.

No matter how much she hurt me, I still found myself walking to her cabin. As much fun as playing house together had become, I knew I had to end it before I let my son get hurt. I could handle the pain. I was a big boy, but Aries was still a baby. He was still too little to understand why someone would be there and then suddenly bail. I wouldn't let her walk out on my son. Not after he had gotten so attached.

Which gave me two choices. Tell her the truth, or protect my son.

I sighed loudly as I started to rock Aries in the chair as I waited for Clarke to come home. I wasn't sure why I was waiting, I guess I had grown too used to our routine. I had started a fire to warm up the cabin. The days were getting warmer but the nights were still cold. I wrapped him in the fur Clarke had gotten for him last time she took a trip to see the grounders. His little eyes were closed and he looked so peaceful.

I forgot about Clarke and the pain she had caused me as I looked at his little face. The face that resembled mine so much. It was hard to believe he was mine. He looked so innocent, so at ease with his place in my arms. Sure I helped raise Octavia but when she had been this little I could still hand her to my mom whenever things became too much. Instead this baby had no one else. I was his father, he was my son. He would ask me questions one day. He would learn from me, grow with me.

He was everything I never knew I wanted. His shaggy brown hair that fell above his forehead now that Clarke had cut it. His brown eyes that matched mine, sparkled whenever he laughed. He stole my heart the moment he was born. I never wanted it back.

It hurt me to know that Gina would never get a moment like this. When the world became a distant problem and everything bright was there in your arms. She would never know the beauty in raising her son, or feel the love of the child we had created. I closed me eyes and prayed that she knew I'd tell him all about her one day.

His mother lived in the stars. He would always know she was watching over him.

"I will be a better man for you Aries," my voice broke, "I promise you."

There was a noise outside the cabin, I looked up and saw Clarke standing outside the window. She looked like she was talking to someone, Raven was close by. Her hair was up in a ponytail and I held my breath. Then I let it out, realizing this was my moment. I had to make the choice I wasn't ready to make. I didn't want to tell her the truth.

But I wasn't ready to pull her out of Aries life either.

Finally after a moment the door opened and Clarke came in. She was smiling as she pulled her jacket off her arms. The door didn't close, there was someone waiting outside. Her cheeks were red and her eyes were bright. She looked at me the way she always did, like she was so excited to have me here in her cabin. Or maybe she was just excited that Aries was here.

My mouth went dry as she came over and put her hand against his head, "I missed you guys at lunch today. Did something come up?"

She sounded worried as I kept rocking my son. I kept my eyes down and looked at him, wondering how I would ever explain this to him when he was older. I let out a slow breath, I was thinking too far ahead. He was almost six months old, he wouldn't remember Clarke being his caretaker at this age would he? I couldn't remember anything before I was six.

I looked up at her, she was still waiting for an answer. Finally I shook my head, "no. Nothing came up, but I should go," I stood up. She looked confused as my eyes went towards the door where her date stood, "you clearly have other plans."

"Bellamy no," she reached for my arm but I didn't let her touch me.

I laid Aries down in the crib as she watched me. I could tell there was more she wanted to say, but she kept her mouth shut as I turned and looked at whoever was standing in the shadows. I let out a slow breath and brought my eyes to hers. I could feel the hard stare I was giving her. Her face fell as her eyes met mine.

"Don't pretend with me Clarke. I won't pretend with you," I sighed as I heard the guy at the door clear his throat. Clarke walked over and whispered something to him. He left as I started to gather up a few of Aries things. I threw his favorite toys into the bag I had brought with me as he slept soundly in his crib.

The door to the cabin shut as I started to make him a bottle. There was a little water left from earlier and I put it in with the formula I had left. Clarke turned around slowly, leaning against the wall for support, "Bellamy talk to me. Please."

I shook my head, "we've over stayed our welcome. You have a life, you didn't ask to become a mother. I shouldn't have burdened you with my son for so long," I tried to smile, but it wasn't real. We both knew it wasn't, "I'm sorry."

"Bell you and Aries aren't a burden. Are you just going to push me out of your lives now? Push me away without an explanation? That's not fair. To me or your son," she grabbed the strap of the bag as I started to put it on my shoulder. She threw it on the bed and gave me the coldest stare she could find.

I shook my head, my hair swaying with the movement, "look Clarke. We're friends. But I can't let my son get attached to someone who will walk away from him. I know you're back now, but —"

She slapped me across the cheek, stopping the rest of the sentence before it found it's way out of my mouth. I felt the red mark appear as she glared at me. There were tears in her eyes as she shook her head, "Bellamy Blake don't you dare use those three months as the reason you're leaving. Clearly I'm not going anywhere anytime soon. I thought you of all people knew that."

I bit my cheek, stopping the first thing that appeared in my head to say to her. I looked into her blue eyes and tried to find some hope. I tried to believe we could get through this. I could get over my jealousy and her be with whoever she wanted to be with. I could let her love Aries like the mother he needed and we could continue to live like this.

But Kane had been right. Friendship wasn't enough for me anymore. I wanted to know that at the end of the day she chose me over everyone else.

"I'm sorry," I whispered as I picked up my son, her tears made it even harder to leave. But I couldn't back down now, "I just think this is best."

Clarke shook her head, the tears glistened on her cheeks as I opened the cabin door and turned around to look at her one last time. It broke my heart even more to see her in pain. She walked over and gave Aries a kiss, "I love you little man. I promise I'm not going anywhere."

Aries cooed in his sleep, reaching out for her. The tears fell faster as I looked around the cabin that had become my real home, "I'll get the crib later. I'm sorry Clarke."

She nodded her head, her eyes red and puffy as she continued to cry, "yeah. I'm sorry too Bell. I thought maybe," she shrugged and shook her head, "I never should've thought anything. I'm too broken to deserve something as beautiful as a family."

I wanted to tell her she was wrong. I wanted to push her back into the cabin and tell her everything I felt. But my pride was stopping me. Because the signs were all there. She had to know how I felt, especially after tonight. If she didn't, well then maybe it was for the best. I had to protect two hearts now. Mine was the least of my worries.

I shut the door behind me as I heard her fall apart. I closed my eyes against the wind and walked towards the cabin I hadn't seen inside of in almost a month now. Aries cried in his sleep, I knew he could feel it. I knew he could feel the absences of the person we both wanted to be in our lives. I laid him down in my bed as a tear fell down my cheek.

Love didn't get easier as you got older. It got harder and more complicated. I knew the way I felt about Clarke would never ease, unless I finally made a choice. Now that Aries was here I knew no matter what happened around me, I would always choose him.


	5. Chapter 5

It felt surreal as I woke up that morning, like the downward spiral of my life with Clarke had been put on pause. But as I woke up, the quiet and loneliness surrounded me. For the first time in five months we didn't spend the night together. After I spent an hour changing and feeding Aries, Clarke came by to see him at my cabin but she left faster than she came. She wouldn't look me in the eyes, she played with Aries and then said see you tomorrow. There was tension between us now.

Tension I had caused.

I wouldn't deny her access to my son. I wanted him to have more people in his life than I did growing up. But I knew that he couldn't look to her as his mother. I couldn't let them get that close until I figured out what was happening between us. I wanted it to be real, I wanted us to be an _us_ instead of just Bellamy and Clarke playing house.

But I had to find the courage to get there.

Aries cried from his crib. I picked him up as Octavia opened the door, "hey Bell."

"Hey," I nodded at her as I settled my son. I set him back on the ground as I looked at my sister, "what's up?"

"I hear you and a certain princess had a fight," she sat down in the floor with her nephew and started playing with him.

I sighed, "we didn't fight. We just realized we might have different priorities."

"Please," she rolled her eyes, "you two both want to get with each other. So your priorities are the same. Maybe if you both stop being babies and admit your feelings, you wouldn't fight so much. Plus that pent up tension could do wonders for you in the bedroom."

I shook my head ignoring her crude words, "look Octavia I don't need your advice. I have my hands full with Aries and it's not the right time. Clarke clearly isn't interested. Since she's seeing multiple guys around camp."

"She's not seeing anyone," Octavia muttered as she grabbed Aries hands and shook them. She laughed as he giggled back at her, "she was too busy helping you when you clearly didn't need the help to begin with. We both know no one else would've let you move into their cabin to raise a child that wasn't theirs Bellamy. If you owe her anything it's an apology."

I sighed, "I really don't feel like getting a lecture right now, especially not from you. So if you came over for another reason, can you please get there? I don't want to talk about Clarke okay? It's just not going to happen, not right now."

"If now isn't the right time than when will be right Bell? This is earth, time is precious here we all know that. Which means you need to decide what you want and claim it. Because you'll regret it when it's too late."

Octavia turned her attention back to Aries as I thought about what she said. Leave it to my little sister to stick her nose where it doesn't belong and actually have a valid point. I groaned as I clasped my hands behind my head and thought about what she said. I knew she was right. We had limited time to be together. There was a new threat, a new war every week. I wanted Clarke. Deep down in my soul I knew she was the one for me.

But I couldn't bare the thought of taking that chance and end up losing her as my friend. I lost her once before, I wasn't ready to lose her again.

Then again last night I had pushed her away pretty hard. I opened my eyes and looked at the little boy sitting on the floor. He deserved better than me. He deserved a happy family with siblings and two parents. Even if one of them wasn't related by blood. He deserved a world that was at peace. I bit my lip, wondering how I would give him everything I never thought we could ever have down here.

Aries noticed his aunt smiling at him as she kept swinging his arms. He gave her a toothless smile before giggling loudly, "hi! Hi!"

We both stopped and looked at him sitting there. All the anger and frustration I had been feeling for the past two days went out the window. He just said his first word. Aries just said hi to Octavia and we were both here to witness it.

He sneezed and then Octavia burst into tears, "he said hi. To me. Bellamy did you hear him? He said hi!"

She scooped him up as he kept talking in his baby talk, every once in a while saying Hi to me or her. Octavia was thrilled she was there for his first word. I laughed as she had him do it over and over again. I smiled as I tousled his hair, my heart hurt because the first person I wanted to run and tell about this moment was the last person who wanted to see me.

Clarke had been there for every single first we had together. The first time he rolled over, the first sneeze, the first haircut. She was there for the first giggle, the first time he sat up. Now she wasn't here for the first word, she missed one. I sighed, even my happy moments were tainted with the heartache I was trying to forget.

"Oh Aries. Who would've thought my brother could get something right?" She kept her voice low but I heard her.

"Thanks O. I think I did a pretty good job with you," she laughed as I pulled a strand of her hair.

Aries kept giggling as we fawned over him. He said hi and giggled as we both gave him big smiles and clapped our hands. My boy loved attention of any kind. He was eating up his aunt's attention for all it was worth. He giggled along with us. I felt better even though things were still strained with Clarke. I knew Octavia was right. If I had gotten one thing right in this world it was that little boy with the shaggy hair.

I didn't go to the wall that afternoon. They didn't need me so I spent the time with my son and Octavia stayed for a while. She helped me settle him for his nap and then we talked a little bit about our childhood. Then she had to go and find Lincoln and they were off to visit one of the grounder camps for trading. She kissed me goodbye and told me I needed to stop being a dumb ass and go after what I wanted.

I knew she was right but after everything I still wasn't sure how I was going to make up for what happened last night.

To my surprise I didn't have to think too long about it. Because after Clarke's shift at the medical bay she knocked on my door. I sighed as I opened it, Aries was sitting on the floor. He still hadn't gotten around to crawling yet, but I was hoping that would come in time. If I recalled correctly Octavia didn't crawl until the month before she stood up and walked for the first time. My mom called her a late bloomer.

"Hi!" Aries let out his little high pitched word and Clarke stopped.

"Oh my god," her face lit up when she heard him and then she looked at me, "he just said hi."

I nodded, trying not to make her feel bad, "yeah he said it earlier when his aunt came to visit. I wanted to tell you, I just. After what happened last night," I shrugged and left the sentence hanging there.

"That's actually why I came over," she had one of the dolls she had gotten for him in her hands, "I know he won't fall asleep without this."

I took the doll from her and he grabbed it out of my hands, "thank you. For bringing it."

She nodded, her eyes watching Aries, "sure. But I also wanted to talk to you."

"Look if this is about us continuing to play house, I think we both know it would end at some point right Clarke? I'm sorry I was so rude and I ran out so fast, but I don't do this well. I don't like goodbyes or hurting people. I don't like hurting you," I pushed down the knot in my throat.

Clarke looked at me and I could tell she was upset I still wanted us to go our separate ways. I knew she thought she could find her way back in because I had a soft spot for her. Everyone knew I did, I spent weeks waiting for her to come home. Weeks looking for her among the land that surrounded us. Everyone knew that my weakness was this five foot two blonde girl with blue eyes.

After a moment she sighed, "Bellamy what is your problem? I didn't bring that guy home he followed me! I told him to leave, I didn't realize he was still waiting until you were pushing me away. So please don't use Aries as a bargaining chip with me. That's not fair."

Clarke threw her hands in the air as I sighed, "I won't use him as a bargain chip. You can still see him, I just think we've been doing this for too long. You helped me when I needed you, thank you. But I should do this on my own now. You can be aunt Clarke again."

There were tears in her eyes, "Bellamy don't. Don't pretend like you want me to stop this. I love Aries."

"Why should I listen to you? I begged you to come inside with me at the gates and you still left," my voice broke as I realized how hurt I still as over that. I swallowed my tears and concentrated on my anger, "so maybe I should make sure Aries doesn't get too close in case you want to leave again."

"That's not fair. I thought you understood," she shook her head. The anger we both felt last night when I mentioned her leaving was back now for both of us, "after Lexa. I can't do this. I won't do this with you."

She shook her head just as Aries let out the loudest cry I had ever heard. We both turned to look at him on the floor, his little face red. He was laying on his back, like he had fallen against the chair leg. There was a bruise forming on his head and a cut on his arm. We had been so caught up in our fight we had stopped paying attention to him.

Clarke was closer to him so she picked him up. Her tears vanished as she looked at me. The panic in her eyes wasn't that of a doctor's. It was that of a mother's, "Bell. He's bleeding and he's really warm. I think he has a fever."

My anger towards her disappeared as she handed me my son. He was warm, his little face was bright red. There was blood on his arm and I realized he must have cut himself on something in the cabin. My heart picked up, "what should we do?"

He coughed, then spit up all over me. He kept crying loudly. He was uncomfortable, "you go change. I've got some medicine here."

Clarke took him back as I pulled my shirt off. She was bouncing him gently before she laid him down and pressed her hand against his forehead. He kept crying and coughing as I disappeared to change. I bit my cheek, this was my fault. I took him out into the cold too much.

"I shouldn't take him to the wall so much," I mumbled as I walked back towards the bed and Clarke had somehow settled him down.

"He's a baby Bell. He's going to get hurt and sick and then get better," she sighed, his little fingers curled around her finger, "you're stressing yourself out too much."

She bandaged up his arm and then put a cloth against his forehead. I laid him down in my bed and watched as she checked his stomach and his neck. He coughed again, crying from the fever or the cut I wasn't sure. He was restless as he started to fall asleep. He kept kicking his legs out and reaching for the air.

I would smooth down his hair and Clarke tried to keep the cloth against his forehead. His little cheeks were bright red, but she said the fever wasn't getting worse. Instead it seemed to be cooling down as we kept watch over him. I wasn't sure how long we sat there in silence, just staring at his little body waiting for him to magically get better. But I was more than glad she was here for this moment.

"Hey you should get some sleep," I sat down beside her as Aries finally settled. He was sleeping without fussing, "I'll watch him."

She shook her head, "I'd feel better watching him a little longer," she sighed and then bit her lip as she looked away.

I settled in beside her, both of us standing guard in case something happened. This was the first big scare I had ever had with him. Aries didn't get sick or even cry as much as he had tonight. I felt like a terrible father for letting him fall the way he did.

"Do you remember the first thing you said to me? When we landed," Clarke was smiling as she ran her thumb across Aries tiny fingers. He was holding her hand in his.

I couldn't help but smile, "I said if the air is toxic than we're all dead anyways. You, being bossy even before we knew each other's names."

She laughed as she brought those blue eyes up to meet mine. What she didn't realize was I noticed her that first day. Even if I had been rude and standoffish I saw her over everyone else. She wanted to keep everyone safe. She didn't care that they were criminals and this was supposed to be their execution. She thought with her heart and listened to her instincts.

"You were wearing that guard uniform. All smug cause you're older than us," she shook her head as Aries coughed. Both of us watched as he rolled and fell back asleep, "still. I have to admit once you realized how hard it was to lead, you got better at listening. You got better at thinking with the hundred in mind."

I kept watching Clarke, her eyes on the baby. Could things have been different if I hadn't gone to that mountain? Would she look at me the way I've looked at her for the past six months? If we had never met the grounders, if the adults never crashed the ark, would we still be taking care of these kids together?

"I never did thank you," I kept my voice low as the fire crackled behind her, "for coming home. I know it must've been hard."

She smiled, "not nearly as hard as staying away was."

"Probably because you're still the best leader we've ever had. You kicked ass on three hundred grounder soldiers without lifting a finger. You took down their greatest enemy, and now you're helping raise my son," my fingers ached to reach out and touch her, "you're one hell of a woman."

Tears gathered in her eyes, "I wouldn't go that far. But no matter how bad the memories are I know I can count on you and everyone here to look at me like I'm still Clarke. I'm still the girl trying to save us all."

I didn't stop myself this time. I reached out and touched her cheek. She smiled as she leaned into the touch, her skin cold against my warmth. Maybe this was a baby step, a baby step I needed to take in order to finally find the courage to tell her everything. Maybe we needed to forgive ourselves for the things we had done in order to finally believe we deserved to feel love again.

Clarke sighed, the cabin was as dark as could be with the fire casting shadows around us. It was late, I knew that we had spent the better half of the night talking. Still I'd lose more than sleep if I had to lose it spending time with Clarke.

"You said you don't like sleeping alone," I whispered as her eyes got heavy. She was fighting to stay awake as Aries kept sweating, "why?"

She sighed, "because I see them. The nameless faceless people from the mountain. I heard their screams. I think of the families I tore apart. I know I hurt a lot of people by choosing to keep mine safe. Who says that's fair?"

I squeezed her fingers as she looked at me with the tears in her eyes, "who we are and who we have to be to survive are two very different things. Trust me Clarke, my hands aren't clean either."

She swallowed her tears and sighed, "I know. I just wish it didn't have to be this way. I wish Aries could grow up in a world that was safe and peaceful."

"He will," I nodded as I looked at my son, "I'll do everything I have to do to make sure he grows up without war."

She flashed me a sad smile. We both knew that would be hard to do. The grounders weren't very big on understanding. No matter how big of a compromise we would make with them, they always found a reason to hate us. But that didn't mean I wouldn't try.

"We could run away," I whispered smiling as I thought of the dreams I had so many nights when she was gone, "we could find land that didn't belong to us or them. We could make it on our own, Clarke. You, me, and Aries."

She smiled as she shook her head. "I wish that were the easy solution. But you and I both know running away doesn't solve any problems."

"I know. It's a nice fantasy though," I cleared my throat and pulled at my jacket. It was warm in the room. I was tired and I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep with the fire going. But it was the only light we had.

Clarke yawned as I took my boots off. The fight between us was long forgotten, at least for the moment. It was nice to fall back into our regular routine. Aries between us, our shared bed underneath us. It was like nothing had changed.

And yet everything had.

Clarke let out a sigh as she looked up at me, "can I stay here tonight? I missed you last night," Clarke was shy as she kept watching Aries. His fever had died down, but he was still coughing.

"You don't have to ask," I yawned as we both settled into our spots still staring down at our little boy, "you're always welcome to stay with us."

Her smile made my heart hurt. I wanted to tell her the truth. I wanted so much more than this friendship with her, "good. Because after sharing my cabin with you for the last five months, I hated going to bed without you last night."

I smiled back at her as we kept watching the little boy who had brought us together.


	6. Chapter 6

I woke up to the sound of Aries laughing. I moved, reaching for him, forgetting Clarke was there all together. Except my hands hit the mattress, neither of them were in my bed with me. I sat up quickly, afraid something was wrong. My eyes adjusted slowly to the light that filtered in through the window. Clarke held him in her arms, her back was towards me. She was dancing him around, singing a song I didn't understand. I smiled as I watched them, Aries giggling as he threw his hands up and she kept singing for him.

He reached for her, pressing his face against hers. It was a beautiful sight, a bittersweet one as I watched them from afar. My baby and the one girl I'd lose everything for. They loved each other more than I ever thought was possible. They shared a bond a mother and son would have. Blood didn't matter to either of them. It didn't matter to me either. I ran my hand through my hair, wishing all mornings could be like this.

Last night had been interesting. It had been nice compared to the tension that filled me whenever Clarke was around after seeing her with someone else. It killed me to know she had been with someone, no matter who it was. Even when I thought back to her and Finn there was an ache in my chest. Because I wanted her to choose me. I wanted her to tell me she felt everything I was feeling and more.

Aries's brown eyes met mine, "hi!"

I laughed as Clarke stopped dancing, her tank top slipping off her shoulder as she turned around and looked at me. A blush spread across her cheeks, her little smile making her even cuter as she looked at me embarrassed to be caught dancing with my son, "oh, you're awake. His fever broke two hours ago. But you looked like you needed some sleep, so I didn't want to wake you. We've been keeping each other company."

I rubbed my eyes, "what time is it?"

"Almost noon, sleepy head," she said laughing as she walked towards the bed and Aries reached for me. I pulled him into my arms and kissed his cheek, his little smile spreading even more across his face, "he needs to learn a new word. As cute as his little hi is, it's not impressive anymore."

I laughed just as he gasped, "hi!"

Clarke laughed loudly as he clapped his hands at our approval, "Octavia said her first word at six months. His _hi_ is pretty impressive to me. Although I think daddy would be even better," I tickled under his chin, "say daddy, Aries. Dad-dy."

"Hi," he slapped my cheek. I shook my head, kissing his cheek and then tickling him as he kept giggling. I blew a slobbery kiss against his cheek, sending him into even bigger fits of laughter.

Clarke stood there watching us, smiling with her arms folded across her chest. She kept watching, her blue eyes full of something I wasn't about to figure out, as I stood up and carried him to the little crib I had made for him the other night when we came here instead of her cabin. The quiet fell between us and I knew what was about to happen. Now that we were done worrying, reality was hitting us once more.

After a moment she sighed, "so I don't want to break up this beautiful moment, but I uh. Last night, before Aries got hurt. We were talking."

I nodded, "yeah. We were."

"I don't want to fight," she chose her words carefully as Aries laid down in his bassinet. He was still at that age where he took a nap every hour it seemed. Clarke finished putting the bottle together and then handed it to me. Her fingers brushed mine, sending a spark down my spine as I looked at her.

"Me either," I agreed as Aries sucked on the bottle and closed his eyes, "but I do think we, Aries and I, should stay in our own cabin now. He's getting bigger, which means I'll have to build another room. I just, don't want to burden you with those things. He's not yours, which means you get to have a life too."

Clarke's eyes filled with tears, "Bellamy what happened two days ago? I saw you on the wall, I saw you talking to Raven. I thought you were coming to meet me with Aries and we would spend our lunch hour together like we always do. But then you didn't and I couldn't find you. They said you left shit early. Please, help me make sense of what happened."

I sighed, I decided now was as good as any to finally tell her the truth. I couldn't do this anymore. I was tired of running away from my feelings and giving excuses. If I was going to lose her I'd rather it be now rather than later, "I was coming to see you. But when I got there you were busy helping someone else."

"So why didn't you wait for me?" she was confused. She genuinely didn't remember what happened at the medical bay. I could see it in her eyes, she wouldn't lie about something that didn't mean anything or that maybe had meant something to her.

I let out a slow breath and stood up off the bed.

"You weren't just helping him because he was sick. You were kissing him Clarke," my voice broke as I kept it low. I felt that pain in my heart as she kept staring at me. She raised an eyebrow like she was waiting for more of an explanation.

"Yes he kissed me. But if you would've stayed for more than five seconds you would've seen me push him away. He was drunk Bellamy. I'm not really sure I'm ready for any of that," she looked away like she was going to say something else but she stopped.

She wasn't ready for what? For someone to want her? To deal with drunk people? I rubbed my eyes with the heels of my hands. I knew this was a bad idea. I was going to end up with Aries all alone. Without my partner to help me.

"Ready for what Clarke? To feel something for someone? Tell me what you've been hiding since you got home from the mountain."

There were tears in her eyes, "then tell me what you're hiding. Because we both know you could've done this on your own the moment he was born. You've been pretending you can't for a reason," she stood her ground at the door.

I shook my head, "I'm not hiding anything. If you want to bring guys back here for dates or whatever then that's fine. But I don't want my son to be around for it."

Clarke stood with her hands folded across her chest as she looked at me, "he followed me back to the cabin! Jesus, I'm not dating anyone," she glared at me hard, "what is this really about Bellamy? Why are you ruining a good thing?"

I wanted to scream or pull at my hair. Anything to make her see how this was killing me. Watching her kiss another guy, or even laughing with the girls around camp. I just wanted her. I wanted her all to myself, to be mine.

After a moment I sighed and kept my voice level. I didn't want to wake up Aries, "I hate watching you with them. Because I want you," I swallowed my pride, "I miss you when you're gone Clarke. I fall asleep faster when you're here. I like you Clarke. As more than my friend."

Her face fell, I could tell she was surprised and yet not completely surprised at my words. She let out a slow breath and stood up straighter. Her eyes went towards the crib and then back to me. She wasn't sure where to look. I could tell this was going to change things between us.

And they weren't going to change in my favor.

"Look you don't have to say anything. I didn't want you to know for this reason," I started stumbling over my words, "but it's there. You're the only person I trust completely with Aries. You're the only person I trust with my life. So there it is. But we're friends. We can be just friends."

Her blue eyes wouldn't tell me anything. She stood there biting her lip and freaking out. She was probably trying to figure out how to let me down easy without losing me as her friend. I was about to say something else when she stopped me. She stepped closer to me, her eyes held mine.

"How long have you known?" Clarke's voice was soft. She bit her lip and looked away from me, "how long have you known how you felt Bellamy?"

I sighed, "I don't know. Before the mountain. Before you closed the drop ship door. God I remember looking back and the expression on your face-" Clarke grabbed my face in her hands and cut me off. She pulled my down to her level and kissed me.

I closed my eyes, my hands finding their way to her hips. She was all muscle and strength as I pressed my fingers against her soft skin. She had curves and her heart was beating fast inside her chest. Almost as fast as mine. I pulled her close as she ran her fingers through my hair. I couldn't believe how amazing it felt to kiss her. Her mouth moved with mine, claiming me the way I had wanted to claim her for the past six months. I shivered as she pressed her body against mine.

As we stood there kissing I felt like I had found my way home.

"I've felt the same way. For a while now," she whispered as she pulled away and looked at me. She was smiling, "I've been waiting for you to make a move."

I laughed as I kissed her once more. I carried her towards the bed and laid her down. I ran my finger down her cheek, "when you left me standing at the gates I thought I'd fall apart. But I stayed strong, because I knew somehow you'd find your way back to me."

She smiled as she ran the tips of her fingers across my chest, "leaving you was the hardest thing I ever did. But I had to come to terms with what I did, on my own. If I didn't I would've blamed you."

I shook my head and hovered over her, kissing her so hard I pressed her deep into the fur. All I wanted was for her to know how I felt. For her to know how I've always felt about her. She pulled at my shirt, a moan escaped my lips. Her hips bumped mine as we tried to be as close as possible.

I pulled at the button on her pants, "wait Bell. Aries?"

I kissed her neck before looked over at him, "he's fast asleep," I whispered as I slipped my hand past her waistband.

She shivered underneath my touch. I couldn't stop smiling as I felt her losing control as I pressed my hand into her. She grabbed my arm, digging her fingernails in as her eyes closed and her mouth opened. I could've watched this moment happen over and over again.

"Bellamy," her voice was tagged as I brought her close to the edge, "please."

I pulled back and then we were both clawing at my pants. I pulled them down and she kept her eyes on mine as we came together. Both of us sighed happily at the contact. She closed her eyes as I moved above her. Her hands still held onto my forearms as I moved faster inside her.

My fingers played with her shirt, pulling at her bra. The moment I pulled it off I pressed kisses against her soft skin. She gasped as I pressed harder against her. My teeth pulled at the skin on her neck. She dug her nails into my back as she moved her hips to meet mine.

"Yes Bellamy," every time she called my name I was ready to fall apart. I held on as hard as I could until she reached her high first. I kissed her as she moaned, our bodies more in sync than we ever had been.

I let go after she did, my heart pounding as I stilled above her. Once it was over I pulled her into my arms. She smiled, her breathing heavy. She turned to look at me, "it's about time that happened Blake."

I kissed her neck, "I didn't think you saw me that way. I didn't want to scare you off again."

She rolled her eyes, "if I didn't feel this way for you do you think I'd let you and Aries claim my cabin as your own?"

I blushed, "we're friends. Friends help each other out."

She pulled herself close to me, pressing her soft chest into mine, "yes they do. But even best friends wouldn't become a mother to a child that isn't theirs. I love that little boy Bellamy, because he's your little boy."

I pressed my hand against her cheek and pressed my lips to hers once more. Even if this was the only moment we ever spent together I knew I'd die a happy man. Because this was what I had always wanted. Ever since we set foot on the ground I knew this was my dream.

Aries started to cry softly. I got ready to stand up but Clarke shook her head. She pulled her underwear back on and then grabbed my black shirt. I stopped breathing as I watched her walk towards the crib wearing my clothes. My mouth went dry.

The shirt reached past her knees, but boy did she look good it in. She scooped Aries up, the shirt pulling up her thighs. I held my breath as she turned around, my eyes glued to her body. She was so beautiful. No one appreciated her beauty the way I did.

Even with all she's done she still was beautiful from the inside out.

"He's still asleep," she whispered as she laid him back down. She crawled into bed with me, "I think he should start sleeping in his crib."

"Yeah?" I asked as she laid her head in the crooked of my neck where it fit perfectly, "why's that?"

She smiled, her lips warm against my skin, "so I get to have daddy all to myself."

I laughed as I wrapped my arms around her. I should've made a move months ago. I could've been living in this world, happy and so in love for weeks now. But I knew now that I had her, I would do everything to hold onto her. She was the mother Aries needed, the partner I always wanted beside me.

I kissed the top of her head as she yawned, "well we can tell him tomorrow no more sleeping in our bed," I whispered.

Her face lit up as she looked at me. Her blue eyes sparkled as I called it out bed, "I love that little boy."

"Me too," I whispered softly, "just as much as I love you."

She sat up fast, her blonde hair falling over her shoulder and hitting my chest. Her mouth was open in surprise as she smiled, her eyes bright even in the candle light.

"Bellamy," her voice was soft and I shrugged. We both knew how short life was down here on the ground. Now that I had her I wasn't going to waist a second. I was done being afraid of my feelings.

"I spent too long afraid to tell you how I felt," I swallowed my doubts and took in a breath, "you're my best friend, my co leader. And I've been in love with you for a long time."

Her smile was bigger than any smile I had ever seen. She leaned down and kissed me hard. I wrapped my arms around her, all prepared for round two. But she pulled away slowly, her hand pressed against my heart.

"I love you too Bellamy Blake," her voice was soft in our little home, "I don't deserve you, but I do."

I held her close as she laid back down. She laid her head on my chest and I listened as her breathing evened out. I smiled, thinking of all the things that led us here. Clarke Griffin was my best friend. You're pretty lucky when you fall in love with your best friend.


	7. Chapter 7

When I woke up Clarke was gone. At first I thought she fled in the middle of the night. Her spot was cold, her furs were wrapped around me. But then I heard her humming softly. I opened my eyes and saw her with Aries in her arms on the rocking chair. I couldn't help but smile as she looked down at him with all the love she could possibly possess in her eyes.

Last night had felt like a dream. Every kiss, every moment we experienced together, felt like it hadn't been real. It was the best dream I had ever had and I never wanted it to end. I watched her with my son and I knew this was exactly where she was meant to be.

"Morning sleepy head," she smiled at me, "Aries was fussy. I didn't want him to wake you."

I sighed, "I thought you changed your mind and left me."

Her smile was so beautiful I never wanted it to leave her face, "I would never change my mind, Bellamy. Not about you."

She brought him to me and they both settled into her space. I pulled her close as Aries smiled up at me. He was still half asleep, but he was fighting to wake up. He grabbed my finger and squeezed.

Clarke kissed my cheek as we sat there together. She was still wearing my shirt. I felt like I had a real family in that moment, "I like this," I finally said as Aries fell back asleep, "you, me and Aries."

I sighed happily, "me too."

The moment surrounded us, the quiet reminding us how lucky we were to have peace. I looked over at Clarke and leaned down, pressing a kiss to her lips. I knew no matter how much time we had together I'd never get tired of kissing her. I'd never get tired of her.

She smiled as she ran her finger over my bare chest, "can I tell you jealous Bellamy is kinda hot? Because he is."

I laughed softly, "well I'll remember that. For the next time you bring home a guy or girl and break my heart."

Her smile faded as she put her hand against my cheek, "I don't plan on breaking your heart Bellamy Blake. Trust me, I know what I want. What I want is you. This. This family," she smiled down at my son, "you're my family now."

I could've burst with happiness. If I wasn't holding Aires I wouldn't pulled her back down and kissed her senseless. But I settled for her kissing me, her hands holding my cheeks. I was a man who lived among the stars, but there was nothing more beautiful than feeling this girl touch me.

"Bellamy," the door opened before we heard whoever it was knock. Clarke pulled away, her cheeks red as I looked up at Monty, "oh. Uh sorry. I didn't know you were busy."

I sighed but Clarke answered first, "it's okay Monty. What's wrong?"

"Miller fell. We need you both," he wouldn't look at either of us now that he realized we were both in states of undress and Aries was in my arms. Clarke laughed, I couldn't help but smile.

"Okay," I waited to stand up. Clarke didn't. She liked watching him blush, "we'll be right there. We uh. Have to get dressed."

Monty blushed even harder as he walked back out. I set Aries down in my spot and then grabbed my pants. Clarke grabbed my arm before I found a new shirt. She kissed me softly, her fingers running over my scalp.

"I guess duty calls," she whispered softly against my lips. I held her close and felt her heart beating in her chest.

"Unfortunately the world doesn't stop turning because we finally decided to tell each other how we feel," I sighed and pressed my forehead to hers.

She kept my shirt on as she pulled away and grabbed her jacket, "what are you going to do with Aries?"

I shrugged, grabbed the sling she had made, "bring him with us."

"What if it's bad? I might have to focus on Miller. We need someone to watch him," she sighed turning on her mother mode. I loved when she worried about him.

"Well we'll figure it out when we get there. Right now we need to get moving," I put the baby against my chest. He was getting too big for this sling. I knew soon he'd be toddling around on his own.

Clarke laced her fingers through mine as we started out of the cabin towards the wall. There was a crowd gathered by the time we made it. Raven looked panicked, so did Octavia as we came into sight. Everyone gave us room and took a step back so that Clarke could get to Miller easily.

"Clarke thank god," Monty looked relieved as Clarke knelt down. Miller's eyes were opened but he looked disoriented. Aries giggled as I stood there holding him, watching the others stare at Miller to see if he would be okay. I bounced the baby as Clarke sighed.

"I need you and Monty to take him to the medical cabin. I think he might have a concussion," she reached for Aries, "I can't handle his weight. He's going to need a lot of help walking."

I nodded as I knelt down and swung his arm over my shoulder. Monty did the same and we pretty much carried him to the cabin. Clarke shut the door behind her as we set him on the table. Abby was there, smiling at the two of us. I looked at Miller, his eyes were narrow. He had a bump on the back of his head. But other than that he seemed fine.

"What happened?" Abby asked as Clarke came in and looked at everyone. It was like they had wanted an excuse to come to my cabin. To see if Clarke and I were talking again.

I looked at her, "he fell off the wall," she said slowly, Aries popped his head out of the sling and looked at Abby, "or so they say."

"Hi!" he giggled as Miller groaned.

"I did fall," he said sighing as Abby grabbed little Aries. She always pulled him into her arms whenever we brought him around, "just not as badly as everyone says. I just need some pain medicine."

Clarke's cheeks turned red and she looked at her mother, "this was your idea."

She shrugged, "I have no idea what you're talking about. But thank god you two finally stopped fighting. I've missed this little face."

I laughed as Clarke's mouth formed a tight line across her face. Monty was trying to hide his smile as Raven stepped into the medical bay, followed by Octavia and Lincoln. They were all smiling, everyone looked happy to see us together. Our happy little family together once more.

Miller laughed first, "we didn't think Monty would find you two in bed," he shook his head, the fall clearly didn't hurt his hearing, "but damn, Blake. I'm glad you finally got the girl."

Clarke looked ready to yell at them all to mind their own damn business. But I wasn't, because they all cared about us. I smiled as I pulled her towards me, wrapping my arms around her waist. It was easier to hold her when Abby had the baby, "yeah. Thank god she wanted someone like me."

I whispered the words in her ear and she melted. She wasn't angry anymore as I kissed her cheek and everyone watched us together. Raven shook her head, the sweetness getting to her first, "ugh you guys are too cute it makes me sick. Stop it. Seriously, how can two bull headed people be so gooey in love?"

Everyone laughed as Clarke pulled away and went towards her with open arms, "I've got enough left for you too Reyes."

She squealed as she tried to get away. Abby put Aries down on the ground and he got up on his knees. Everyone fell silent as he crawled towards me, cooing and giggling the entire time. I clapped loudly as he stopped at my feet, his little smile pointed up at me.

"Clarke," I whispered her name as she came back to my side, "he just crawled."

"I saw," she squeezed my forearm and I scooped him up in my arms. He waved his arms and legs around, giggling as everyone fussed over what a big boy he was becoming, "you know this means we're going to be chasing him everywhere. You think he's exhausting now, Blake. Just wait until he thinks it's funny to crawl away from you."

I laughed as I nuzzled his cheek, "I think that we'll have to take turns, running after him. I mean, since we're going to be sharing a cabin now."

She stopped and looked at me. I swallowed the lump in my throat as everyone stood there watching us. Her cheeks were bright red as I let out a slow breath, holding Aries against my chest so he could look at her too, "what?" her voice was quiet, "I'm sorry what just happened?"

I smiled, Aries giggling when I tickled his stomach, "I'm asking you, Clarke Griffin, to officially move in with me."

"Hi!" Aries's little voice was loud as he clapped his hands.

"Excuse me, I'm sorry," I nodded at my son, who's curls were the exact shade of mine, "with us. What do you say?"

Her mouth fell open, the same way it did last night when I told her the truth. My heart was racing, my hands would've been shaking if I hadn't been holding Aries. Slowly she smiled, her blue eyes sparkling as she nodded her head, "I say yes. You're my family."

She grabbed my arm and pulled herself into our little hug. She kissed Aries's cheek, tickling him before she looked at me. I kissed her quickly, everyone laughing as they watched their leaders finally find their way to each other. I looked at Abby.

She gave me a wink.

I passed Aries around for everyone to fuss over and then pulled Clarke into my arms.

Her blue eyes were full of love, of life. They were so bright and beautiful I couldn't stop staring at them. I hadn't seen this look since we landed on the ground. It had been tainted by wars, by blood shed around us. I pushed a blonde curl over her shoulder and leaned in to kiss her softly, "I know I'm selfish, but I'm so glad you came back to us."

She smiled, letting out a small breath. Her eyes went around the room, taking a moment to realize how much she had missed out on by being gone. Theses were our friends, our new family here on the ground. Aries waved to Clarke as Abby held him once more, "yeah," she finally said looking back at me, "I'm glad I found my way back home too."

When she kissed me this time, the entire room sighed.


	8. Chapter 8

Once we finally admitted our feelings for each other Clarke and I couldn't keep our hands to ourselves. Whenever we put Aries down we'd spend the rest of the night making up for lost time. I learned new things she liked, I explored her body over and over again. It always ended with her pressing her lips into my shoulder as she screamed my name.

I never thought I'd be this happy. I thought the earth would always bring pain and heartache. But the moment Aries was born I knew that wasn't true. He was a miracle in disguise, a blessing to the entire camp. He kept us laughing and he made sure he knew what it meant to love. And he had brought Clarke and I together. We were closer now than we had ever been before. I couldn't thank my little guy enough for that.

The weather got warmer, Aries got bigger. Now that he was crawling he was a bundle of energy. The cabin was getting to be too small for him, he was getting into everything and causing trouble here and there. Clarke was always laughing when she scooped him up and scolded him for getting into her clothes. I couldn't believe how fast time was passing.

We decided to take him to the lake on our first day off in the late spring. Since he was crawling around now, it was only a matter of time until he got up and walked.

"Did you grab a bottle?" I asked as I we walked slowly through the gates. Octavia and Lincoln were already there waiting for us. But we had a baby so it took us longer to get ready. I'm sure they didn't mind waiting together. I was happy my sister found happiness long before I ever did.

"Of course I did," her fingers were laced through mine. Aries was strapped to my back on his new little seat. He kept kicking and giggling as we walked.

I kissed her cheek, so in love with my little family. I took in a breath and then it happened. Aries kept giggling as he reached for Clarke's hair, "ma. Mama."

We both stopped, the trees keeping the sun out of our eyes. I let out a breath and Clarke's eye were huge, "did you hear him?"

I nodded, "yeah," I pulled off the seat and held him up, "Aries. Say it again."

He looked at Clarke and tapped her cheek lightly. I saw the tears in her eyes as she smiled, "hi! Mama."

She laughed as he pulled him into her arms. She was crying as she kissed his cheek. The moment was more than bittersweet. I knew I'd have to explain what happened to his mother one day. I'd have to tell him how she wasn't here because she let him live. When he was old enough he would know that Gina loved him.

But for now he had Clarke.

Aries smiled as Clarke loosened her grip and then looked at me, "dad-dy."

It was my turn to stop and marvel at this child calling me by my name. Tears choked me as I reached for him, hugging them both, "yeah. I'm daddy."

I hugged them both in the middle of the woods. I held them tightly, feeling Aries giggles, Clarke's heart beat and knowing this was the only place I ever wanted to be. With the two people who meant so much to me.

"He said his first words," she laughed as she wiped away a tear, "okay his second words. But still. He called me mom Bellamy."

I kissed her softly, Aries between us, "he loves you too Clarke."

We settled into the grassy bank as Clarke sighed, "you know I'm not trying to take Gina's place right? Because I don't want you to think I would ever let Aries forget about his mom."

I smiled, "I know," I swung my arm around her shoulders, "but I'm glad he has someone like you. I'm glad he has a mother figure. I was afraid he wouldn't get one. We both know he wouldn't turn out as amazing as he is if you weren't here."

Clarke leaned into my side, "I just. He called me mom. As happy and sweet as it is, I'm still afraid you'll push me away. Because you don't want me to replace his real mother. Because you're afraid one day this won't be enough for either of us."

"Hey," I put my hand on her chin and forced her blue eyes to look into mine, "I won't ever push you away again. Not ever. I promise. Aries and I. We both need you. Me a little more than him."

She laughed as Octavia splashed around with her nephew in the water. I leaned in and kissed Clarke. All her worry about him calling her mom were gone. She was back to being happy and excited that he called her mom. I smiled as she pulled back and let out a breath.

"I promise this is it for me," her voice was quiet and I knew she was thinking about our time spent away from each other, "you are it for me. There's no one else who I want to be with. No one I'd rather wake up beside or fall asleep next to. That little boy might not be mine by blood, but I'll be damned if anyone ever tries to say we aren't family."

I smiled, squeezing her hand gently, "this, this is why I love you."

She laughed as she pressed a small kiss to my lips once more, "I love you too, Blake."

We both jumped as a voice was thrown in our direction.

"Hey love birds. Your son loves the water," my sister splashed at us, "so why don't you get in with us!"

We pulled apart, knowing full well we would finish this little conversation tonight. I stood up and grabbed Clarke's hand, pulling her up with me. She took off her clothes, and my breath caught in my throat. Sure we had been sleeping together every single night. Sure I knew every part of her body better than I knew mine. But she looked ten times better in her bathing suit than any other piece of clothing she owned.

She caught me staring before I could compose myself, "just think, Bell. This is all yours now."

She winked before running towards the water and jumping it. I shook my head, pulling myself back into the moment. I grabbed my shirt at the neck and pulled it over my head. I shoved my boots off and ran after her. She was laughing as I jumped in, splashing her and Octavia. I grabbed her waist under the water and pulled her towards me.

"You can't just tease me like that," I whispered, my voice catching in her ear.

Clarke kept giggling, "oh I'm not teasing you. Just making sure you know that I wouldn't wear this suit for just anyone."

I shook my head as Octavia brought Aries over towards us. He was giggling, splashing the water and blowing bubbles in his aunt's arms. He reached for me, "daddy!"

Octavia's eyes went wide, "Bell! He said daddy."

I nodded slowly, "he uh, said it on the way here," I smiled as I took my son from her and hugged hime once more, "he also said mama."

Octavia looked at Clarke. She didn't even have to question it. She knew he called her mom. Everyone would know soon enough. I was planning to ask her to make it official. As official as we could down here on earth. I just had to get Raven to help me with the technical stuff. Still I thought about marrying her every single day we spent together.

There was no one else I'd rather fight with. No one who make me laugh and live as hard as she did. She was it for me. There was no going back, no pushing her away. She was my lifeline on this earth and I was hers.

Aries giggled as he bounced in the water. I looked at my sister, talking to Clarke and I couldn't help but wonder what she was saying. I knew Octavia approved. After she had gotten over her resentment for Clarke leaving, she was happy we were happy. Which meant she would be there for me when I finally asked her the big question.

I held my son against my chest as Lincoln came to stand beside me. His eyes were watching the girls too, "so I think we've done good."

I smiled, "yeah, we've done really good."

Aries cooed, "I uh. I wanted to ask your permission, Bellamy. To ask Octavia to be my wife."

I looked at the grounder who had become so much more than that. He was family to us now, "of course," I whispered as Aries slapped Lincoln's bare chest, "I can't see her with anyone else, but you."

He slapped my shoulder, "then it's settled. I was planning on asking her tonight. But what the hell."

He walked over and pulled Octavia away from Clarke. Clarke settled into my side as we watched them standing near the waterfall. Octavia looked so happy, so different from the girl growing up under the floor of the ark. She was alive, she was happy and full of life. I never knew this was the life I would want for her, but I'd never send her back there now.

Her mouth fell open as Clarke wrapped her arms around mine, "I knew he was planning something romantic," she whispered as he kept watching them. He pulled the ring out of his pocket, why he was swimming with it I'll never understand, and Octavia started crying.

"She's so happy," I said as Aries settled into my chest and started to close his heavy eyelids, "I'm glad she's happy."

"Me too," Clarke whispered. I looked down and saw she was staring up at me. I leaned down and kissed her, feeling exactly the same as my sister, "I'm glad you're happy too."

I flashed her a smile and then looked at Aries, "I never knew I wanted a family. But I'm glad that I got handed the best one there could ever possibly be."

Clarke reached up and touched my cheek, "every day I spent away from this camp, I thought about you. I missed you and I wanted to know what you would do in my place. I've never stopped worrying or thinking about you Bellamy. If that's not love, than I don't know what is."

I thought I loved her with every part of my heart. I thought that there was no way I could possibly love her more. But standing there, my heart filled up and I knew that I loved her even more than a few minutes ago. There was no limit to love, no maximum level you could reach. Every look, every laugh, every moment we shared made me love her even more than I did before.

I leaned down and kissed her, "I love you too, Clarke Griffin."

Maybe earth wasn't such a bad place. If something as precious and strong as love could survive, than maybe everything would all be okay.


	9. Chapter 9

We went to the lake more and more as the water got warmer. Sometimes Lincoln and Octavia would join us, other times it was just the three of us. One little happy family. Today the happy couple came along. Clarke and Octavia talked weddings and babies. My little sister was more than excited to marry the grounder who had become her best friend. I was jealous, he made it look so easy to find a happy ending.

I was still terrified to ask Clarke.

I mean we had moved in together. We fought less now that there was more kissing involved. Aries kept us busy and we always found time for each other at night once we put him down. But still the idea of getting down on one knee and asking her to spend the rest of her life down here on earth was terrifying. Mostly because I never thought that was an option I would have. I never thought any girl would want to marry someone like me.

Clarke wrapped her arms around me as we waded into the water. The sun was warm, the water wasn't as cold as it had been the first few times we came. It was the perfect day to introduce summer into our otherwise happy world. I smiled as she kissed my shoulder, a shiver running down my back, "so do you think you want more kids?"

I shrugged, "I mean I want Aries to have a sibling. I don't want him to grow up alone. Are you asking for a reason?"

She gave me that mysterious smile that drove me crazy, "nope. Just wondering."

We splashed around in the water for what felt like hours. Clarke jumped on my back, Aries giggled from Octavia's arms. Lincoln looked in heaven with my sister and Aries. I could tell they were going to be more than happy married. They were going to have a big family, I already knew that by how much Octavia loved her nephew.

Aries eyes were getting heavy. Clarke hoisted him up on her hip, "I think it's nap time for our little man."

The way she said our little man made my heart stopped. I would never get used to how easily she took to my son. How much she loved him as her own.

She kissed me before walking out of the water and onto the bank. I stayed behind with Octavia, laughing as she jumped up on Lincoln's back. He caught her like he always did, which would never cease to amaze me. He was so confident in his love for her. Even when our people were fighting he knew that he was in love with the girl from the sky.

I didn't see what happened. All I know is one moment Clarke was standing facing me with Aries on the bank of the lake. The next she pushed him behind her, his little hands clinging to her shirt. My eyes were on hers as the shot rang out. Her eyes were staring at an empty spot in the field where the meadow opened up.

Octavia screamed, Lincoln jumped out of the water behind me. I caught her before she fell, "no. No. No. Clarke hey."

I tapped her cheek as Aries watched. Octavia came to her other side, "what the hell just happened, Bell? Did our people shoot at us?"

I shook my head, "I don't know. Go get Abby. See if the guards are all there. Please," she nodded and I knew she heard the break in my voice, "hurry."

Octavia ran. Aries held onto my arm as I held Clarke's head on my lap. I let out a slow breath as Lincoln came over and scooped Aries up in his arms. My son was staring at the scene like he couldn't understand what had happened. Then again I wasn't entirely sure what had happened either.

"I'll take him back to camp," Lincoln's voice was hard and it scared him.

"No. Stay. I'll need your help moving her."

He nodded, setting Aries back down as he pulled out his shirt and pressed it against the wound. Aries grabbed my arm and I knew this was a moment he would probably never forget. The moment he almost lost the second mother who loved him even though he wasn't hers.

"Clarke, can you hear me?" Her eyes rolled back and I couldn't breathe. There was so much blood. Aries started to cry as I held her hand, "please hold on. Stay with me."

"Bell," her voice was barely there.

There were footsteps behind me. I didn't turn around to see. I knew Octavia had come back with Abby and Jackson. I knew they would do everything they could to bring her back to me. But I still couldn't stop the tears that gathered in my eyes. I couldn't let go of her hand, praying she'd open her eyes and look at me once more.

"Bellamy I have to move her," Abby's voice cut through my hurt, "you take Aries and I'll get her to medical. She's going to be okay."

I nodded my head, but I couldn't think straight. I couldn't see past the pain that was blinding me. Clarke took the bullet. She stepped in front of it so Aries wouldn't get hit. She was a mother, she was his mother. I closed my eyes and rubbed them, Aries grabbed my hand.

"Daddy," his little arms wrapped around my shoulders. I hugged him, "hi."

I hugged him close as they moved Clarke as fast as they could back to the camp, to the medical bay. I tried to fight off the tears so that he wouldn't know something terrible had happened. But he knew. I could tell he knew, his eyes kept searching for Clarke.

Just like that our perfect family moment was shattered.

I wouldn't move from her side. She was sleeping, at least that's what Abby said. Her chest was going up and down, but her eyes were closed. She looked peaceful, but I knew she was in pain. The bullet had barely missed an artery. She was lucky she hasn't bled to death on the way back into camp. Even though she had bled a lot, Abby said she didn't lose enough to warrant worry. Abby didn't know me very well. I worried more when it came to Clarke.

"Open your eyes Clarke," I whispered as Aries crawled around the room. He sat down by the stool I was on and let out a sigh. I squeezed her hand, "yell at me, tell me it was foolish to take Aries to the lake. Please just come back to me princess."

Aries stood up beside me, holding onto the make shift bed for support. I smiled at his effort, taking a moment to realize this milestone was one I was witnessing alone. Then he pressed his hand against Clarke's cheek, "mama."

I nodded, "yeah. Mama."

"Hurt?" My eyes went wide at that word.

I nodded, "yeah buddy. Mama got hurt. But she's going to be okay."

He laid a kiss on her cheek, "all better."

I nodded, unable to find the words to express how I felt. Tear filled my eyes as I thought back to all the moments when Clarke kissed his bruises and cuts and said the same thing. I smiled, pulling him up onto my lap. I kept Clarke's hand in mine. I tried to find comfort in his soft babyness, but I couldn't. Not when the person we both loved more than anyone else was laying on the table in front of us.

"Mama needs to rest," I sighed as he kept staring at Clarke, willing her to wake up, "but she's going to be okay."

He nodded, "daddy?"

"I'm okay," I whispered, my throat was sore and my eyes were red and puffy. I was exhausted. But I refused to sleep until she woke up. It wasn't fair to him, but I couldn't leave either of them. Not after seeing the blood that covered her shirt. The last time I left her to fend for herself she walked away and left the camp for months. I wouldn't let her wake up alone. She had been alone for too long now. We were in this together. Which meant I was staying right beside her until her blue eyes finally opened back up.

Abby sighed as she came back in to replace Jackson, "you're still here. Have you put that baby for a nap yet? Or fed him?"

I rubbed my eyes, "he slept on the couch. I gave him a bottle earlier. I'm not leaving her and Aries doesn't want to either. You said she'd wake up soon."

Whenever I interacted with Abby I could see where Clarke got her bossiness from. They were cut from the same cloth, mother and daughter. Both strong willed and determined to fix everything on their own. I loved that about Clarke, but her mother was another story. I laced our fingers together as Abby scooped Aries out of my lap and kissed his cheek. I was glad he had people to love him, people who cared about him.

He smiled, "gamma," his little voice made us both stop. It made the moment even more bittersweet because Clarke was still asleep.

Abby's face lit up. I wondered if this moment meant more to her because she never thought Clarke would have kids. Because she sent her only daughter down to earth expecting her to die. I let out a slow breath as my eyes met hers and her smile reminded me of the girl I was currently in love with, "Bellamy."

"I heard," I stood up and kissed his cheek. I ran my finger down his arm and then looked at Abby. I smiled at her, "is that okay? I know he's not really related to you, but he loves Clarke something fierce. What do you say Grandma?"

There were tears in her blue eyes as she hugged me. We didn't display a lot of affection, but I could feel how much she wanted to be apart of our family as she was hugging me. I could tell she was completely on board with me loving her daughter with every single part of my soul. Which was good, because I didn't intend to stop any time soon.

"Yeah," she laughed and hugged Aries again. Her fingers ran through his curls, they were getting long again, "it's perfect. Next you have to say grandpa. Let's make Kane feel old."

I laughed as Aries giggled. She tapped his chin, "if only Clarke had been awake. Then it would've been perfect. She'd be crying too."

Abby looked over the moon as she held Aries in her arms, "I'm a grandma. Wow. I never thought I'd see the day."

Aries giggled, "gamma! Hi."

She laughed as I sat back down and picked up Clarke's hand. As exciting as the moment was I needed to focus on Clarke. I squeezed her fingers begging her to open her eyes. I didn't want to do this without her. Not when we had finally found her way back to me.

When she stepped back into camp all those months ago I realized why it never worked with anyone else. Why I never truly connected with Gina. Because Clarke was the one I gave my heart to. I never even realized it until she brought it back to me.

Abby put her hand on my shoulder. Her voice pulled me out of my thoughts, "she'll wake up soon. I should change the bandage. She passed out from the shock. The medicine should wear off this afternoon. Don't worry so much Bellamy, you'll get a wrinkle in that pretty forehead of yours."

I sighed, squeezing her fingers, "okay. Did you find out what happened?"

"One of the guards got attacked by a grounder. He took their gun and he saw Clarke with Aries on the bank of the river. He decided to take away the leader we all loved. And to hurt you in the process," Abby held Aries close, "I'm sorry Bellamy."

I nodded, "it's okay. She's going to be okay. You said she'll wake up and we're all worrying for nothing," I offered her a smile and I could tell her mom understood my pain. After all it wasn't long ago that she stood on the ark watching her husband float out into space. She understood heartbreak and pain more than anyone else in this room.

Clarke's fingers squeezed mine as her eye lids fluttered. My heart picked up as she opened her eyes and looked at me. Her smile made the pain disappear, her blue eyes were bright and they made the fear vanish.

"Where am I?" She asked quietly as she looked down at the flannel shirt I put on her after Abby stitched her up.

"In medical. You got shot. You pushed Aries away before the bullet could hit him," I felt a tear fall down my cheek, "I almost lost you."

I watched the memory hit her as she moved to sit up. I helped her, trying to be gentle as she winced. I let out a breath and she leaned on me for support, "he was going to hit Aries. I couldn't let him get hurt."

I kissed her cheek, "and I love you for that."

"That boy hasn't moved from that seat since you got here Clarke. Trust me, he loves you."

I blushed as Clarke smiled, her eyes meeting mine. Before she could say anything Aries wiggled out of Abby's arms and reached for me. He saw Clarke and lit up, "mama! All better!"

Her laugh was small and soft, I could tell it hurt her slightly. But she still kissed his cheek, "yeah. All better."

"Kiss," he kissed her cheek and pulled back, "all better."

Clarke looked impressed as she brought her eyes back to mine, "you do that to him," I whispered as he crawled onto the bed and into her arms. She grunted, the pain clear on her face. But she didn't let me take him. She held him close as he buried his face in her shoulder. It was a moment I thought he would never get to have. He had lost his mother before he ever met her.

But he loved Clarke more than I ever thought was possible. I guess blood doesn't always make you family. Love. Love is what makes you a family.

"He really does love me," she whispered amazed. Like she hasn't realized he truly did. Or maybe she was realizing just how close we had come to losing her, "Bellamy."

"We both do," I whispered leaning in to kiss her once more.

Abby smiled at the scene, "Clarke I need to check your bandage. Can you sit up all the way for me?"

She nodded and I helped her as gently as I could. I kept my hands on her shoulders, her stomach pulled. I watched her wince as she leaned against the wall and let out a long breath. Her skin was still pale, but she looked better than she had before. Clarke ran her finger over the bags under my eyes. I knew what she was thinking, but I shook my head. I was exhausted, but I wasn't leaving until I could take her home.

She was my home, without her it was just a cabin with four walls.

"I'm not going anywhere," I whispered as Abby got out another cloth and Aries made himself comfortable in Clarke's arms. He closed his eyes and I smiled, he had missed her more than I realized.

"Abby," Kane threw the door open and stopped, "oh good Clarke you're awake. I thought I was going to have to drag this boy out of here by his hair."

Clarke laughed, her eyes finding mine as I rolled my eyes. Aries giggled his eyes shooting open. Then he clapped his hands as Kane came closer. Aries loved everyone and I was so glad he did. He wouldn't fair well if he had been shy. I smiled as Kane stopped and pressed a kiss to Abby's cheek. Just like I would've done to Clarke.

"Gamma!" Aries hands shot up towards Kane. We all laughed as Kane stopped and looked at the baby.

"Did he say grandpa?" His deep voice was slow.

"Actually he said grandma, but he reached for you so same thing," I laughed as Aries wiggled and reached for Kane again. His little fingers went into his beard and Kane kissed his cheek.

That baby had so much love he didn't know what to do with it.

"So gamma, when can I take her home? Because I'm not leaving this stool until I do."

Abby shook her head as she checked Clarke out. She looked into her eyes and felt her forehead. She took extra measure to make sure she was okay because it was her daughter. Then she pulled back the gauze and changed the bandage. I saw the dried blood that was underneath, and the nasty scar she would have left behind. I let out a slow breath, her hand squeezing mine. She was still here, there was no need to think of revenge.

"Whenever she feels up to walking," Abby finally said, "but you need to change that bandage every three hours or so."

Clarke nodded, "I got it, grandma."

Abby blushed as Clarke grabbed that flannel shirt and pulled it back on. I helped her, holding the sleeves out so she didn't pull her stitches too much, "I hate to admit it, but I like grandma."

Clarke stood up slowly, "whoa. I'm a little dizzy."

"Don't worry," I grabbed her waist and then pulled her into my arms. I picked her up, her legs dangling over my arm as I cradled her in my arms the way I held Aries so many times. He laughed, giggling as he watched me holding her, "I've got you princess."

Abby smiled at us, "you two go. Grandpa and I are gonna hangout with our little man."

We didn't argue with that. Clarke leaned her head against my chest as I carried her out of the medical bay. I could hear them talking and fussing over my son. I could hear the tear in Kane's voice every time Aries said gamma.

"You did good Bellamy," Clarke whispered as I laid her down in our bed. I pulled the fur up over her stomach. She grabbed my hand before I could stand back up, "we did good."

I leaned in and kissed her, harder than any kiss we shared when she woke up. There were no prying eyes, no little hands to interrupt us. I grabbed her waist as gently as I could, and held her close, climbing into the bed beside her. It took me a moment to remember she was injured or I would've went further.

"You should get some real rest," I whispered running my thumb along her bottom lip.

"Only if you do too," she whispered laying her head on my chest. I smiled, wrapping my arms around her.

Raven needed to get to work on that ring. I knew it the moment we met, this girl was it for me. I didn't just want to play house with her anymore. I wanted to make it official. I wanted us to be a complete family. I closed my eyes, listening to her breathing even out as I thought of all the ways I could pop the question. I knew Clarke wouldn't care how or where I did it. I knew she wouldn't even care if I never did. She was never one of those girls. But I wanted her to know that I chose her. Every morning and every night I chose the blonde haired girl who had somehow fallen in love with me.

How I had gotten so lucky I wasn't sure. But I wanted everyone in camp to know that she thought I was worth saving.


	10. Chapter 10

It was raining. The sky was gray but for the most part it was warm. Life seemed to be moving on and it never looked better for me. I woke up beside the most beautiful woman every morning. I got to fall asleep holding her too. We shared every moment with Aries, big and small. His little giggles and words made every single day seem brighter. Like I said life was good.

Still the work didn't stop. Both of us still had jobs to go to, even if we wanted to spend every moment together. I had changed my rotation when Aries was born to get out of the night shifts, but it didn't hurt that Clarke changed her shifts once we were seeing each other. We spent every night watching Aries crawl around and holding hands. I couldn't have been happier, I never thought life on the ground could be this good.

The gray sky made me wish to be back at the cabin with Clarke. She had off today, which meant her and Aries were hanging out without me. I wanted him to love Clarke as much as I do, but I didn't want her to love him more than me. I had finally gotten her to see me, finally admitted to her how I felt. I sighed as I pushed the toe of my boot into the dirt as I paced the length of the wall.

Keeping watch was lonely and boring. When Clarke was gone I used to envision her coming back through those gates and greeting me. I would've stood here all day if it meant the chance to see her through the bars, to know that she was okay. When she came back I wanted to hate her. I wanted to be mad at her, but I couldn't be. Not when those blue eyes held so much pain and such a heavy burden.

I would gladly share that burden, if it mean she would stop blaming herself for what happened at the mountain.

"Bell," Octavia smiled as she walked towards the wall, "I'm surprised you made it to your shift. I heard you and Griffin can't even make it to dinner these days."

I rolled my eyes, "ha ha O. I'll have you know we prefer to eat dinner with Aries because he's crawling everywhere. If we stay in the cabin we can contain him," I hugged my sister as she shook her head.

"Right, whatever you say," she kissed my cheek, "I'm happy for you two, Bell. I'm only kidding. Is Clarke with Aries? I need to pay my nephew a visit."

I flashed her a smile, "yeah she's watching him, she has off today. Tell her I said hey."

She pursed her lips, "I'll give her a big old kiss for you too."

She winked at me as I gave her the finger and then she was off towards my cabin. I wondered what Octavia would think if I told her about my plan. Of course she would be thrilled, and then warn me against having the wedding before hers. She wanted to be the center of attention when she finally married Lincoln. I would let her have her day, but I couldn't want to see a ring on Clarke's finger.

The hours passed by slowly, my mind wandering from Clarke to Aries and back again. I thought about Gina, I wondered if she would be okay with Clarke taking her place. I wondered if she would be happy that we had found each other again. Or if she would be okay with her son being loved by another mother that wasn't her.

The sun started to try and peak out from behind the clouds when it was finally time for my shift to be done. I relaxed my shoulders as my gun fell to my side, turning to face the camp, waiting for whoever it was to replace me. I wanted to get home and get some dry clothes on. I wanted to eat dinner with my two favorite people.

"Hey Bell!" Miller called my name as I stood on the wall waiting, "Kane says to relieve you."

"Thanks," I turned my foot ready to jump down. But the water had accumulated. I didn't realize there was a puddle until my boot slipped and I started to fall backwards. I let out a grunt as I felt myself falling through the air.

I didn't have time to catch myself, plus I was still holding my gun. My head slammed into the side of the wall, my vision cracked with pain and I saw stars, before I fell the rest of the way to the ground. When I landed I felt like I was still dizzy, like my body was still falling. My shoulder took the brute of the fall, more pain spread through my body.

I heard Miller yell my name, someone else yelled to get help. Someone grabbed my other shoulder, causing me to sigh in pain as they twisted the bad one further into the ground. My eyes were barely open when I felt the rain on my cheeks. I passed out when the pain became too much.

There were cold hands pressing hard against my forehead. The rain was still falling and a voice cut through the others. A voice I would've known anywhere. A voice that could summon me back from the dead no matter what the cause. My head was pounding as the hands pressed harder against my temples. It could've have been more than a few minutes since I had been… standing on the wall? What had I been doing again?

"Back up. Give him space."

I opened my eyes and there she was. My Clarke. I smiled up at her as she kept pressing her hands against my head gently. Her blue eyes were full of fear and anger, a combination that usually accompanied something I had done. When she saw I was awake she seemed to relax a bit.

I wanted to reach up and push the strand of hair over her shoulder. But my arm hurt too much to move it. I settled for talking. My deep voice sounded terrible, "what happened?"

She sighed, "you slipped and fell. Banged your head pretty badly," she shook her head as the doctor left her and she became my girlfriend, "don't scare me like that again Bell. Please. They said something happened and I had Aries. I came running because I didn't know what I'd find."

I sat up slowly, the pain shooting through my arm and my head as she helped me, "hey I'm okay. The wall was wet, it just happened. What did you tell me? He's a boy. He's going to get cuts and bruises but he will always get better."

She laughed, her tears fading as she shines the flashlight in my eyes, "well I worry about you. Good thing you have a thick skull," she tousled my hair and I grabbed her wrist before she could pull away.

I gave her a crooked smile, and pulled her in close, "good thing I sleep with my doctor huh?"

She laughed before I kissed her, her worries and anxiety gone now that I was awake and talking. My shoulder still hurt, but I would live with that pain as long as I could hold her close. Clarke pulled away and noticed me wince as she touched my shoulder. Her eyes kept searching mine for signs of something wrong. I could see the doctor in her coming out.

"Let's get you to the medical bay," she sighed as Miller and Monty came over to help me up. I wobbled on my legs, my arm still shooting with pain as Monty reached out to help steady me. I blinked a few times to stop the world from spinning out from under my feet.

"Where is Aries?" I asked realizing he wasn't here with her.

"I left him with my mom," she took Miller's position on my left side and helped me walk slowly towards medical, "who is going to check out your shoulder. I know it hurts, don't pretend it doesn't."

I laughed, "fine Dr. Griffin. It hurts."

I wasn't going to tell her how much it hurts, because then she'd take me off rotation. Still I couldn't stop wincing as she walked slowly beside me, still holding my shoulders.

"You worried about me," I flashed her a smile as I sat down on the table, "more than the others."

She rolled her eyes as Monty left and we waited for her mom who was holding Aries, "yes, Bell. I worry about you. Even when I was gone I worried about you."

It still felt surreal that I had her. She sighed as she rubbed her temples and Abby walked over holding Aries. The moment he saw me he lit up, giggling and reaching his little hands out for me. He was so big, nine months old and already crawling around.

"Hi! Daddy," he kissed my cheek, or rather opened his mouth and pressed it again my cheek. I laughed as he settled in my arms and Abby started to check me out.

"I hear you took a nasty fall," she looked at me, "my daughter ran out of here faster than I thought possible."

"Mom," Clarke warned her mother.

I smiled, "yeah. They called for Clarke before I passed out. I'm fine though, my head hurts and my shoulder. But I'll live. I've been through worse."

Abby nodded, "bed rest for two days. No wall for at least two days, maybe three if Clarke thinks you need more. That shoulder got a nasty bruise and it needs to rest. Clarke take him home," she smiled as she looked at us, "and keep him there."

I groaned as Clarke took the baby and then Abby grabbed my uninjured wrist, "I'm really glad you too finally figured it out."

I laughed, this had been the first time we saw each other since Clarke and I became a couple. Well the first time when both of us were conscious and aware that Abby was in the room. I nodded, looking over at her daughter holding our boy. My heart filled even more, "yeah me too."

Abby kissed my cheek and then let me go, "and you two behave yourselves. He needs rest Clarke," she looked at her daughter and I saw Clarke's cheeks grow red. She handed Aries to her mother, "I can watch him and bring him by later."

"Yes mom, I know," she rolled her eyes as she hooked her arm around my waist, "I've got it under control. Thank you."

I laughed as we walked out of the medical bay and I leaned on Clarke for support. I was still a little dizzy. But I noticed her arms were empty, "where's Aries?"

"He's still with my mom," she pressed her hand against my temple and I winced, "you didn't hear her say she'd watch him and bring him back later?"

"No," I sighed, "my head is killing me. I want to sleep."

"We're almost there big baby," she laughed, "I forgot how big of a baby you become when you're injured or sick."

"Good thing I've got my very own with my doctor," I whispered as we got to our cabin and I leaned down to kiss her, "and she understands my pain."

Clarke kept laughing as she pushed the door open and I stumbled to my bed. I laid down without taking off my boots or jacket. I felt Clarke untying my laces as I closed my eyes against the light. I sighed, whatever she gave me for the pain was starting to make all my muscles relax. I felt like a pool of skin laying there on the bed as Clarke laid down beside me.

"Raven came by today," her voice was soft and my eyes shot open, "she was looking for you. She wanted me to tell you that she's done."

My smile was small, half from the medicine half from the fact that Raven had finally finished our project, "thanks. I'll have to go see her later."

"No, bed rest two days," she poked me in the chest, "I can go. Tell me what she's finished with Bellamy."

I shook my head, "no can do. It's a secret," I whispered closing my eyes, "wow whatever your mom gave me works fast."

She giggled, "Bellamy. What was Raven working on for you?"

"So damn nosy," I muttered as I pulled myself up into a sitting position. I grabbed her hand and ran my finger over her knuckles, "this was supposed to be more romantic and not inside our cabin. I would've had Aries here and everything. But you have to keep asking."

I blew out a breath as Clarke sat up on her knees, "Bellamy."

I waited a moment and then held her blue eyes to mine, "I love you. I've loved you ever since you told me not to open that damn drop ship door because the air could be toxic. Every single argument, every fight we've ever had was because I wanted to fight my feelings for you. This last year, when I was in that mountain away from you I realized I couldn't fight myself anymore. Then you walked away and I knew that if I had another chance to keep you with me I wouldn't let it slip through my fingers," my voice broke, "I never thought I would want to spend my life with someone. My soul sees it's equal in you. You are my co-leader, my best friend. Make me the happiest man on this earth and marry me Clarke Griffin. Please."

Tears were bright in her eyes as her smile appeared. She threw her arms around me, I winced from the pain, but hugged her back. I wouldn't let her go as she kissed my cheek, her own cheeks stained with tears. I kissed her, pushing her hair away from her face as she settled in my arms.

"I take that as a yes?"

She giggled as she wiped away a tear, "it took you long enough," she whispered, pulling the ring out of her pocket.

"She gave it to you."

Clarke's eyes sparkled as she looked at the beautiful metal band. Raven had engraved _may we meet again_ on the inside, the outside a solid silver, polished and shiny in the candlelight. Clarke nodded proudly as I slipped it onto the third finger of her left hand. Where it would stay for the rest of our lives. And what a beautiful life it would be.

When that drop ship landed down here on earth I never thought I would live to see the next sunrise. Now I had a family, a son who I loved with every beat of my heart and a woman who looked at me like I was the moon that lit up the night sky. Life is unpredictable, and sometimes it brings you to exactly where you need to be.

Clarke kissed me once more, "I can't wait to be your wife, Bellamy Blake."


	11. Chapter 11

Life flew by after Bellamy recovered from falling off the wall. He was a big baby once he got over the initial pain. I had to force him to stay home with Aries and me instead of going back to work. He had a concussion. I wanted to make sure he was okay.

Sure I used my doctor card to extent his healing a little longer than he needed. But I was his nurse and what I said went. Which meant we spent three beautiful days in bed together. Just me and Bellamy and our son. It was my perfect version of heaven.

Aries took his first steps almost a month after Bellamy got better. He pulled himself up and just walked to me as I was getting dressed. It was amazing, Bellamy's eyes had filled with tears and I couldn't stop smiling as he fell down on his butt. That boy was brave and he would survive this world. Because he had the courage his father had handed down to him.

The courage to do whatever he set his mind to.

After Bellamy proposed to me I told my mom. Her and Kane had been more than happy and celebrated with us once Bellamy was better. Octavia and Lincoln came over and it was a big old party. The entire camp was happy for us, Raven most of all. I never took that ring off and I think she was happier about that than Bellamy was. Because she had worked hard to make sure it was beautiful and yet simple, the way I was.

Bellamy understood that compliment more than I did.

I was breathing heavily as Bellamy pulled himself back up to the top of the bed. My shirt was gone and so was his. I gasped as he pressed a kiss into my shoulder, his warm arms wrapping around me as the final course of my high ran down. I would never get enough of him. Not even if I lived a thousand lives beside him.

I laughed as he pressed his face into my neck, "I love our days off," I whispered as he pulled the fur up around us.

He laid down on the pillow and smiled at me, "I love you Clarke."

I smiled, "I love you too."

He leaned in to kiss me just as a tiny little face popped up beside in the bed, "hi!"

We both started laughing as Aries tried to climb up in with us. I sighed as Bellamy lifted him up on his side and my heart caught. Ever since he filled out and got more features he looked like his father. But when they sat together like this, I couldn't believe how alike they looked. He got all his features from his father, there was no Gina in him at all.

His skin had darkened to match his father's. His little cheeks were chubby, his brown eyes bright. He eyelashes were long and the hair. His shaggy hair was my favorite thing just like his father's. I shook my head as they sat there together and Aries giggled. Bellamy was tickling him as I pulled my shirt on.

"How old are you today, Aries?" I asked as Bellamy brought his hand up. He held one finger up, "yes! You're so big."

Aries giggled, "mama," he threw himself at me. I caught him before he could pounce on my stomach. I blushed as Bellamy noticed, his son kissing my cheek. He learned how to give actual kisses a few weeks ago. Before that he would lick your face and giggle when you tried to wipe his spit off. Way before that he used the few teeth he had to bite down on your skin. It's safe to say that his real kisses were better than all those early practices.

"I love you too Aries," I smiled as he kissed Bellamy. He didn't kiss one of us without kissing the other.

"We should get ready," Bellamy sounded disappointed, "the party starts soon."

I nodded as he walked into the other room. Aries bounced on my lap, "hey gentle with mama," I whispered so Bellamy wouldn't hear. I held his little hand against my stomach and he giggled, trying to tickle me like we did to him.

I had taken a detour. I had taken time to get over what had happened on the mountain. But here with my two favorite boys I knew it was all worth it. Even if we lost time together, we still found our way back together. We wouldn't have all this if it wasn't for my stubbornness.

I got up and dressed myself. I dressed Aries next as Bellamy finished getting ready. He grabbed me around the waist from behind. He kissed my neck and then I squealed in his arms. This was a life I could get used to. Me and him together against everything that could possibly go wrong.

Bellamy let me go so I could finish getting Aries dressed. I tickled under his chin as he put his arms up. I loved playing with him. I loved the mornings when we could be lazy and do things like this. I wanted this to be our world. Where we spent time together and there was no war.

"I love watching you two together," Bellamy whispered as he finished packing the bag with things we might need.

I flashed him a smile as I picked him up and hugged him, "he's the only man I need in my life."

"Oh really?" Bellamy raised an eyebrow at me and gave me that smirk. It was the smirk he used to give all the girls when we first landed. I shook my head as he came towards me, ready to terrorize me with his tickling.

"Yeah really," I giggled as he grabbed my waist and pulled both of us closer.

"Daddy!" Aries said loudly as I squealed and Bellamy kissed my cheek, "mama. Daddy!"

"Okay maybe you too," I whispered before his lips caught mine. I smiled at our little family, more than happy to spend the rest of my forever in this moment.

I set Aries down as we opened the cabin door and started towards the party. Bellamy grabbed my hand as Aries looked back to make sure we were still there. He might love everyone, but when he was in need he chose me or Bellamy to be the one to help him.

An entire year had passed. The ground thawed and the summer came and went. Aries grew bigger and Bellamy and I grew closer. I couldn't believe how scared we had been to admit our feelings last year. It felt foolish now that we had everything we always wanted.

Aries toddled towards the little party we had set up. His little boots left prints in the cold ground. Bellamy pulled me closer as we followed behind our son. He would always be our son, even if I wasn't his biological mother. I loved him and that's all that mattered to us.

"So I can't believe it's been a full year since he was born," I whispered as Raven scooped him up and Bellamy kissed my cheek, "one whole year since we found each other again."

"Yeah," his deep voice made me shiver, "it's been a good year princess."

I laughed as I pulled him to a stop before we joined the rest of the camp. I saw my mom had Aries and Octavia was giving him a present already. I took in a deep breath and put my hand on his arm.

"You and me, we're good right?" My voice was soft as the fire burned brightly behind him.

"Of course," he smiled down at me. I loved being shorter than him. I loved being able to look up at him and see those beautiful brown eyes staring back at me, "why wouldn't we be?"

I let out a slow breath before I finally spoke, "I just wanted to make sure. I uh," tears gathered in my eyes. I hated feeling so emotional, "I need to tell you something."

"Clarke what's wrong?" He grabbed my arms and held me still. I took in a deep breath as he waited, the panic written all over his face.

I smiled, "nothing I'm okay. It's just. Well I wasn't sure how you would take the news. But I uh. I found out a few days ago."

He shook his head, "what? You found out what? Clarke you're scaring me."

I laughed again, "I was going to wait until after the party. But I can't. I um. I'm pregnant."

The world seemed to stop, the noise from the party had died. I let out a slow breath as I waited for him to react. He was still holding onto me. His brown eyes were staring into mine and finally after what felt like forever he smiled.

"Another baby," he whispered laughing as he pressed his hand against my stomach. Even with my jacket on I could feel his fingers, "you and me."

"Yeah," I nodded wrapping my arms around his neck. He kissed me hard as he held me close, "you and me. Now Aries and his little brother or sister."

Bellamy looked like he was about to cry, "I love you princess."

"Yeah," I nodded, smiling as he kissed me once more, "I think I love you too, Blake."

"Mama!" Aries grabbed my hand, my heart stopped every single time he called me mom. He pulled me towards the party but not before he grabbed Bellamy's hand, "daddy."

My mom smiled as we walked to the party. Everyone was watching us, they were all more than happy we had finally become a real family. I looked at Bellamy, I wanted to tell everyone. But I knew we should wait. Today was about Aries. Today was his birthday.

A celebration for him, a mourning for others. We got the greatest gift of life, but we also lost his mother. We would never forget the sacrifice Gina made to give her son life. I squeezed Bellamy's hand as Aries ran to Miller. He jumped on his back giggling as the party got started.

"What were you two doing over there?" Raven asked as she took me away from my boys.

I blushed, "talking. I can't believe he's a year old. I can't believe he's walking already."

She laughed, "I can't believe you two aren't fighting."

"We only fight behind closed doors now," I raised an eyebrow as she pretended to gag. I laughed, she deserved that comment after hackling me about my relationship.

"But seriously. I'm glad you two are happy," she hugged me tightly.

"Me too," I whispered as I looked around, "me too."

The party went on, everyone had a chance to spoil Aries. Somehow Harper and Monroe made a cake. It was really good too. Octavia gave him more presents than we knew what to do with. There were grounder toys and games. I groaned, our cabin wasn't big enough for everything.

We sang him happy birthday, passing him around for hugs and kisses. He was a happy child, happier than he should've been being raised by a village. I loved his innocence, his curiosity. I loved how trusting he was of his father and me.

Jasper started to pass around the moonshine. I sighed as I passed on a glass. He looked surprised, but Bellamy told him to move on. I could feel my mom watching, like she knew. I wasn't big on drinking these days, but I felt like the real reason why was written across my face today. Bellamy grabbed my hand as Aries played with Lincoln.

Once the excitement from Aries's presents and cake died down, Bellamy looked over at me. I took in a breath, giving him a slight nod. I wanted everyone to know just as much as he did. I could see it in his eyes, he wanted to shout it from the mountain. He wanted to tell everyone that we were officially a family now.

"Clarke and I have an announcement," his deep voice carried over everyone else's. I blushed as everyone turned their attention towards us. My heart sputtered as their eyes hit me, I felt my cheeks burning.

I leaned into his side, "you do it," I whispered as he laughed at my embarrassment.

"As you all know Clarke and I moved in together. Well come summer our family will grow again," his voice vibrated through his chest and into my hot face.

I heard gasps. I pulled my face away and everyone was smiling. Jasper didn't look surprised since I had denied the moonshine. Monty was smiling, Miller was shaking his head like he had known all along. Raven looked amused and Octavia was holding Aries and nodding her head. Everyone seemed to be as happy as we were at the little life that would be welcoming into the world once again.

My mom pulled me away from Bellamy and into a tight hug, "Clarke. Really?"

I nodded, "I found out two days ago."

"Another baby," she whispered and pushed my hair off my shoulders, "I can't wait."

"Me either. Another little Blake," Bellamy squeezed my hand and I felt my heart fill up even more.

"Maybe we finally have found real peace," she sighed as Bellamy pulled me into his side and held me close. I smiled at her knowing no matter what happened next we would always have each other. Everyone around us was enjoying themselves, Kane handed us each a piece of cake. Lincoln and Octavia were making their nephew laugh uncontrollably. It seemed like our little world was perfect, like nothing could shatter this moment.

I finished my piece of cake quickly, thinking about getting another one. Since the announcement I knew I could blame in on the baby. Bellamy hadn't let me go since I told him, his arm was around my waist as he talked to Raven about the plans we had been making for our small wedding. Which would have to happen sooner rather than later now. I wanted to be husband and wife before our child was born.

Not that it mattered. It was just something that was important to me. Something I wanted for my child, the child Bellamy and I had created together.

My hands went to my stomach as I imagined the future we would have. Aries would have someone to play with, someone to laugh and giggle with. He would have someone to watch over, someone he felt love and loyalty to. I had never had a sibling, I never knew what that felt like. I looked at Bellamy, who was talking to his sister now. A pang of jealousy hit me out of nowhere.

I wanted my children to have siblings. I wanted Aries to know what it felt like to have a little brother or sister who he loved as much as Bellamy loved Octavia.

Bellamy turned his attention back to me when I laid my head on his shoulder. His lips were covered in frosting. I reached up and brushed the sugar off his face, his arms wrapping around my waist once more. There was still space between us, we were still pressed together. In a few months this wouldn't be possible.

In a few months we would both be able to feel the little life growing inside of me kicking.

"You're a mess Bellamy," I laughed as he hugged me tightly, his lips soft against mine. My heart was tight inside my chest as his big hand grabbed a piece of my hair. Then he leaned down and kissed my nose, "but you're my mess."

"There," he said wiping a streak of frosting on my cheek, "now we're both a mess."

I kept laughing as Aries toddled over and pulled on his dad's hand, "up!"

Bellamy pulled away from me and looked down at his son. I would never be able to understand the love this man held for his child. But I knew whenever I watched them together he would feel exactly the same about our child. Maybe that's why I had been so calm and serene when I found out I was expecting. Because Bellamy was an amazing father, he was an even better partner in this life we were living.

I stepped back from his embrace, letting Aries reached up towards his dad. He scooped him up, Bellamy's eyes staring at my still flat stomach. I couldn't help but shake my head, both my boys looked so much alike. Their eyes were full of mischief. Aries's little face was covered in more cake than had made it in his mouth. It matched his father's, "ugh. My boys are such a mess."

Bellamy reached out and tickled my side, kissing Aries as he smiled at me from his father's arms. I couldn't believe soon there would be another little one. Aries would have a little brother or sister. A girl, I decided as we stood there, a little sister he would watch out for the way Bellamy always had for Octavia.

I couldn't wait to raise another baby. One that Bellamy and I had created together. My heart was full, my world felt right.

It might have taken us time to get here, but I would do it all again to have him beside me. I knew how lucky I was. Earth might not always be a mystery.

Love could be chaotic and messy no matter who was involved.

I looked at Bellamy and smiled. Oh, but what a beautiful mess it was.


	12. Chapter 12

Being pregnant in the winter months was only slightly better than summer. In the summer it was always hot and I could never get comfortable. At least in the winter the cold air didn't give me red blotches. My mom pulled back my hours in medical and Bellamy started helping with more out of camp trading. Apparently he thought he needed to get everything before the baby arrived. Since winter was only a few weeks away he wanted everything to be ready so he wouldn't have to leave either of us once they arrived.

I looked at the ring on my finger and sighed. I missed my husband. He had been gone longer this time, the guys had been gone for almost an entire month. Trading never took more than a few days to possibly a week. I was worried about him. I hated sleeping without him now.

I wasn't sure how I had survived on my own before. Leaning on Bellamy made the ground so much better.

Our ceremony had been small. Octavia and Lincoln were there, as well as my mom and Kane. I wanted it that way, the people who were our family gathered around and watched us become a family. Octavia held Aries, Lincoln's arm around her waist. Of course their ceremony had been bigger and of course more extravagant thanks to the ground rituals that they included. I just wanted to pledge my love and devotion to Bellamy.

Everything else didn't matter. He was already the love of my life, I didn't need a big show to make sure everyone else knew that.

I ran my hand over my swollen stomach and sighed again. The light was shining through the window in our cabin. Bellamy's side of the bed was cold still. I barely had the energy to get up every day, but Aries helped me. He was my little boy and he would grab my hand and giggle until we went for a walk. Octavia usually met us for lunch and we avoided the topic of Bellamy. I was to emotional to listen to whatever was keeping them away for so long.

"Clarke! My god I think your stomach got bigger," I glared at Raven as she fell into step beside me. She scooped Aries up as he giggled.

"Thanks. I'm so glad you noticed. Here I was starting to think it was shrinking," she laughed as I waddled slowly beside her, "sorry. I just want this baby out. I'm tired and miserable. I want my body and my husband back."

Raven smiled, "I heard they should be home soon. They got tied up at some grounder camp a few miles south of Lincoln's. But they're close, Clarke. You can stop worrying about them."

I sighed, "I won't stop worrying until Bellamy is home. Because if I have to give birth without him I swear I will strangle him myself."

Raven laughed but I was serious. I fought him on going out on this trip. I told him I was so close to having the baby I didn't want him to miss it. He had promised me they wouldn't be gone for more than a few days. He promised me he wouldn't miss the birth of his child. Whenever he gave me those big puppy dog eyes I couldn't tell him no. He was doing this for us, I understood that.

Now I realized I should've fought harder to keep him here with me.

Aries reached for me as we grabbed a table for lunch. Raven told me to stay put and grabbed us both a plate. Raven was a godsend, my feet were killing me today. Swollen ankles were no joke, especially when there was a tiny one year old always begging to be held. He was lucky he looked so much like his father.

My biggest fear was not making it through labor. I was afraid I would be like Gina and I wouldn't be strong enough. I wasn't sure what happened when she had Aries, but I knew without proper medical facilities, it was possible to lose my life or my baby's life. I didn't want to take that chance without Bellamy here. I at least wanted to say goodbye.

Bellamy had been ecstatic the first time the baby kicked. He told me he had been terrified the entire time Gina was pregnant, he didn't get to enjoy these little moments. So every night I would fall asleep to his hand pressed against my belly and his deep voice telling our little baby stories I had never heard before. It always made me smile, the calm moments when Bellamy let his guard down and promised our little baby he would protect them, he would be their father and he would love them no matter what.

Those little moments were the only reason why I made it this long without him.

Bellamy was an amazing partner, but an even more amazing father. He was patient and sweet, he always had a moment for Aries. I knew if something were to happen to me our babies would be in good hands.

I wasn't sure who Bellamy would turn to then.

I sighed as Raven sat back down. Aries smiled at me as he waited for the okay to start eating. I nodded and he started to eat whatever had been made for lunch today. Aries was an easy baby now that he was older. He fell asleep beside me without his dad home, and he wouldn't get into trouble if I was still asleep when he woke up.

He loved putting his hands on my stomach whenever the baby kicked. He would giggle and looked at me in awe. I couldn't wait to see him with his little brother or sister. I couldn't wait to watch them grow up together.

"Clarke he's fine. Don't worry he'll be home soon," Raven pulled me out of my thoughts. I was staring into the camp, not even tasting my food.

I nodded, "I'm just scared," I hated telling people I was scared. But Raven had become one of my best friends. I needed to talk to someone about my mess of emotions, "I mean. If he's not here and something happens."

Raven grabbed my hand, "nothing is going to happen. Your mom knows what she's doing. You're going to be fine and your baby will be so cute."

I smiled, "thanks Raven."

"Baby!" Aries smiled around his food, "mama and baby!"

His little voice lifted my spirits, "yeah your little brother or sister."

"It's a girl," Raven was convinced. Everyone was putting bets in for the gender of the little Bellarke baby, "I know it."

I wasn't sure what I wanted, a boy or a girl. I loved watching Bellamy with Aries, but imagining him with a little girl, who wrapped him around her finger, it was tempting to fall into that daydream. I could imagine he pulling her into his arms and just getting away with everything because he was such a sucker for cute girls.

I shook my head, "I don't know, Aries was an easy baby. Boys might be better."

"No I want to see Bellamy get wrapped around a little girls finger. A little girl with blonde hair just like her mom," it's like she could read my mind. I couldn't even try to hide my smile as I looked down at my plate.

I couldn't deny it, I would've liked to see that too.

"Well he has to come home first. Then our little bundle of joy can make his appearance."

A sharp pain hit my stomach. I grabbed the edge of the table and looked at Raven, the blood draining from my face, "something's wrong."

Raven shot up out of her seat, "what? Should I get Abby?"

I bit back a sob, nodding as she grabbed Aries. Jackson was walking through the doors before Raven got very far, "Jackson! It's Clarke."

I stood up, my legs wobbling. I all but fell into his arms, "Clarke. What's up? Oh my god," his eyes went wide, "are you?"

"I don't know. It hurts," the pain let go a little as he sat me back down. By now a crowd had formed and Raven passed Aries to someone else.

Tears were in my eyes as I saw the faces of all my friends. But the one face I wanted to see more than any other was nowhere to be found. He was off with Lincoln and Miller, doing god knows what on their latest hunting trip.

"Okay breathe," he put his hand on my stomach and I let out a slow breath through my nose, "your due date isn't for another few days. This could be a false alarm."

"It doesn't feel like it's false," I ground out through my teeth, "God where is Bellamy. I'm going to kill him, this is all his fault."

Jackson laughed. He took my hand, "you probably didn't think that while it was happening. Come on lay on the table. If it is indeed real I need you ready to push."

He helped me up onto the table top and then I leaned my back against the wall. I took in a deep breath as the pain stopped completely. My stomach let go of the tension it had been holding and I felt butterflies. Then I felt the baby kicking and my heart slowed down.

"Jackson it stopped."

He pressed his hand on my stomach, "false alarm. It's your body's way of getting you ready for labor before the baby is ready. Are you sure?"

I nodded, sitting up and swinging my legs over the edge of the table, "yeah. It feels like nothing happened. My god that was scary."

My mom ran into the room just as I stood back up, "Clarke. Are you okay? Where's Aries?"

"I'm okay," she hugged me tightly, "Jackson said it was a false alarm. I thought I was ready. But I'm glad I wasn't."

She wiped away a tear, "he'll make it home, Clarke. You aren't due for another few days."

Aries came toddling over and grabbed my hand, "mama."

I picked him up and kissed his cheek, "my boy."

"Daddy?"

"I miss daddy too," I whispered softly as I held him close, "he'll be home soon."

I took in a deep breath as my mom walked us back to our cabin. My heart was heavy, I wasn't ready to become a parent without Bellamy. I wasn't ready to meet our little miracle until he was beside me.

I put my hands on my stomach as Aries settled down beside me, "you aren't allowed to come out until daddy is home."

The baby kicked my stomach and I smiled, knowing even before they were born they understood how important their father was in their life.

I woke up in the middle of the night to a sharp pain ripping through my stomach. It felt completely different than the pain that had happened earlier that day and then I felt something wet as I shifted in the sheets. Aries was curled up beside me, the darkness made it hard for me to get up.

I opened the door to our cabin, my hands shaking, "Octavia."

Octavia was asleep on the chair. She had been staying with me since Bellamy left, "Clarke?"

"I think," I took a breath in through my nose. I waited a moment until the pain subsided. Then I looked at her, "I think it's time. Aries."

I bent over and tried not to scream. I didn't want to wake the baby up, but the pain was too much. Octavia jumped up as she grabbed my hand. Her fingers ran down my back, "okay. Let me go get Abby."

I nodded. I wanted my mom, "and if you see your brother tell him he's dead."

Octavia laughed as I kept holding my stomach. Tears filled my eyes, but I knew he pain was worth it. I knew having another little one was worth every moment I had endured these nine months. I blew out another breath as Aries moved on the sheets reaching for me.

"Mama!" He cried for me and then sat up.

"Mama and baby," I huffed out air as I bent over.

Aries walked over and put his hand on my stomach, "baby," he whispered.

I nodded, "yeah. Baby, pain," I winced as the contract stopped for a few seconds. I closed my eyes as listened to the people running outside of our cabin.

"Clarke!" My mom grabbed my elbow, "your water broke."

I nodded, "yeah. I don't think," I opened my eyes and looked at her, "I don't think I can move."

She sighed, "we have to get you to medical. Just walk slowly, Jackson is setting everything up."

Tears filled my eyes, "he's not home," I whispered, "you promised he would make it home."

"You can do this, Clarke. Be strong for you and Aries. And when Bellamy comes home he'll have two beautiful babies to greet him."

I nodded, "okay. Octavia," I looked at her holding Aries. He was half asleep but he looked scared as he clung to her.

"I've got him," she nodded, "and if I see my brother, I'll kill him for you."

I laughed as my mom helped me out of the cabin. We walked slowly through the camp, a few lights helped us lead the way. I took in a deep breath as the medical cabin came into view. All the nights Bellamy held me and told our babies stories played in my head.

He promised me he would be here, he'd hold my hand and make sure I stayed here with our babies. But now he wasn't here. Now I was all on my own and I was terrified. I was terrified I wouldn't get to see my baby let alone my husband.

Husband. At our little ceremony he promised me he would always be beside me. He promised me he would never put anything else before me and our little family. I should've realized that would change when the camp needed him. We were both leaders when no one else wanted to be. We would always put everyone else before ourselves.

Jackson had the makeshift bed ready. My mom helped me lay down and then they gave me some medicine. The pain wasn't as bad as they got ready for the baby. They sterilized the table and grabbed a blanket. They were all ready for the new life we were going to introduce to the camp.

"Alright Clarke. Are you ready to push?" My mom asked as she grabbed her gloves.

"No," it was hot in his room. Really hot, I couldn't breathe as I felt my body getting ready to go into labor, "don't make me."

She laughed, "it'll be okay sweetheart. I told you I won't let anything happen."

I nodded and then just counted to three. I took in a deep breath and pushed as hard as I could. I stopped pushing as soon as my mom told me to. Sweat covered my forehead and I panted as my mom grabbed my hand, "mom I'm scared," I whispered as they got ready to deliver my baby.

She pushed my hair off my forehead and smiled, "I know. But just remember after all this, you get a baby. Just a few minutes of pain and fear, for a lifetime of happiness."

"If anything happens," the words caught in my throat, "tell Bell."

She shook her head, "nothing is going to happen. I promise. This baby will have both of their parents."

I nodded, squeezing her hand and then the door flew open. Bellamy's hair was a mess, his face covered in dirt. He looked tired, like he had been walking for hours. But he was here. My heart squeezed as he dropped his bag and grabbed my hand.

"Did I make it? Please tell me I didn't miss it," he was huffing and looked exhausted. His fingers laced through mine as he breathed heavily, "Octavia had Aries and said you were here. I just ran I didn't ask anything."

"Bell," I whispered as he looked at me. I smiled, the pain took a backseat. I had missed him so much, "you're here."

"Clarke," he kissed my cheek as a tear fell down. He leaned in and kissed my lips before another contraction ripped through me.

"I was going to kill you if you didn't make it," I whispered as my mom smiled at us. I gripped his hand tightly.

"Okay Clarke," another contraction started, "I need you to get ready to push again."

I nodded as Bellamy held my hand tightly and kissed my temple, "let's meet our little bundle of trouble."

Three hours later our baby was born. Little Chase Emilia Blake. She was perfect in every way, her head had blonde fuzz and when she opened her eyes the blue was even darker than mine. Bellamy cut the cord, she had lungs of steel. She cried loudly as Jackson helped my mom clean her off and then wrap her into a blanket. She grabbed my finger and squeezed it gently as my mom laid her in my arms.

"Clarke," Bellamy sucked in a breath, "she's beautiful."

I nodded and looked at him, staring in awe at his daughter. My fingers ached, itching for the pencils that weren't anywhere in this room. It was a moment I wished I could've drawn, a moment I never wanted to forget. I smiled at him, his eyes sparkling with love for her. The love he would always give his little girl.

Our little girl.

"Hi, baby girl," he kept his voice low as she grabbed his finger, "I'm your daddy. I told you all those stories. I promised you I wouldn't ever let you have a boyfriend."

I laughed as he smiled at me. My mom was cleaning up around us as she cooed in my arms. Bellamy kissed my forehead, "you did so good sweetheart."

I wrinkled my nose, "you stink."

He laughed, "I walked for two days to make it home. I hated being away for so long," he sighed and my eyes started to close, "I should go get Aries."

"And a shower," I whispered as I looked down at Chase.

He nodded, "rest. I'll be back before you know it."

I nodded and then my mom took Chase, "you need to sleep, Clarke. I'll watch her and check her out. Just take a nap."

I nodded and then fell asleep before I could argue with either of them.

I woke up and Bellamy was back. I watched him, staring at my mom as she talked to him with such ease. My happy little family. My heart was so full I had no idea how I had ever survived all those months before without him. I don't know how I walked away from him at those gates so long ago.

Bellamy's arms strained as he stood there with Aries. His face was clean and his hair was washed. I smiled as I sat up and Aries eyes met mine. He saw that I was awake and he wiggled for me.

"Mama."

Bellamy smiled as he set Aries down and kissed me, "good morning sleeping beauty."

"Where's Chase?"

"Right here," my mom said smiling as she handed him to Bellamy, "and she wants daddy."

Bellamy looked surprised as he let Aries down and then took Chase into his arms. Again I wished I had my pencils. Because the look in his eyes was full of pure love and admiration. I smiled as Aries climbed up into bed with me.

"Mama," he kissed my cheek and I melted.

I smiled as he hugged me, "baby is here. Look Aries," Bellamy sat down in his chair beside my bed, "this is your little sister."

"Baby," he whispered as he touched Chase's cheek. Tears filled my eyes as Bellamy looked up and his eyes met mine.

"Your sister, your responsibility," he whispered as Aries giggled and kissed her cheek. He reached out with his tiny hand and placed it against her cheek. She cooed softly, her lips puckering as she wigged in her daddy's arms, "you have to watch out for her, to protect her."

He nodded, "baby," he said again. I smiled as he leaned back into my chest and Bellamy smiled at us. He held Chase close and she settled down in his arms. She wasn't crying or anything, she fell asleep feeling safe in those big strong arms.

"Who would've thought we'd get this lucky," I whispered as Aries laid down and watched his sister sleeping in his father's arms. Both of our babies were beautiful, both so loved. More than they'd ever realized.

My heart was full, I was more than happy with the path my life took. I was still sore, but I didn't want to sleep anymore. I just wanted to stay in this perfect moment, with my family.

Bellamy bridged the distance between us and kissed me sweetly, "we did good princess. We did so good."

I answered him with a smile, agreeing in every possible way. I never thought I'd be as happy as I was in this moment. But I knew this was the happily ever after I never knew I would find down here on the ground. Even the darkest moments have their light. You just have to wait for it to find you. Bellamy was my light, and this was our happy ending.


End file.
